


Seeing Stars

by brianna441



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-12
Updated: 2019-01-12
Packaged: 2019-10-09 00:28:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17396663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brianna441/pseuds/brianna441
Summary: During an arrest, an incident occurs that could change Starsky and Hutch's lives forever.





	Seeing Stars

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first foray into writing in this fandom, so be gently.
> 
> Thanks to my beta, Susan Moore. She made this story presentable. She also brought me, kicking and screaming, back into the fandom. I'm so very glad that she did;

 

 

One year…twelve months…three hundred sixty-five days. A period of time that could pass so quickly or be interminably long.

For Starsky, the past year had seemed to do both.

The shooting in the garage was over in seconds, with only fragments of memories, at least from Starsky’s point of view.

The five months in the hospital felt never-ending, containing everything from moments of drugged nirvana to hours of therapy and pain.

Then came the six months of rehab, working on muscle mobility, increasing lung capacity and any number of other areas necessary for him to requalify and be reinstated.

Four months ago, fully qualified and showing absolutely no signs but the physical scars of his previous injuries, Detective Sergeant David Starsky was reinstated and returned to his partner, Detective Sergeant Kenneth Hutchinson.

Through all the pain and the fear of his recovery, all the setbacks and the triumphs, Hutch had been by his side, just as he’d been for years before the shooting. And every step of the way, Starsky had needed Hutch, to keep on fighting.

Then Hutch always needed to be needed.

And, as they struggled side by side, the partnership, the love they’d always had for each other, grew into a passion, a life-long commitment that they could never have imagined.

~*~*~*~*~

Starsky slowly pulled the Torino up to the curb, parking outside of Hutch’s apartment. It was too early in the morning for revving engines and screeching brakes.

“ _Besides,”_ Starsky thought as he jumped out of the car, entered the building and climbed the stairs “ _It’s too beautiful of a day for disturbing the neighbors_.”

“Hello, hello, hello!” he shouted as he opened the door and entered Hutch’s apartment.

Hutch came out of his bathroom, securing a towel around his waist with another draped around his neck. “Starsk? What are you doing here so early?”

“Well, Blondie,” Starsky smiled as he sauntered over to his partner. “I figured if I got here a bit early, I might be able to catch you in a state of undress.”

“Which you did” Hutch smiled as the other man’s arms inched around his waist, teasing at the edge of the towel that hung there.

“Yes, And then I could do this.” Starsky pulled him closer, taking the taller man’s lips, gently caressing them with his own. The kiss deepened until both men were forced to break apart, breathless.

“Can’t do that if I wait for you in the car.” Starsky smiled. “I missed you last night.”

“I was with you last night.” Hutch smiled “That was you, wasn’t it?”

“It had better been me, or I’ll have to hunt somebody down and shoot ‘em.” He kissed Hutch again. “I just hate that you have to leave after…   I miss waking up next to you.”

“I missed you, too, babe” Hutch ran his fingers through Starsky’s hair, loving the feel of the dark curls sliding against his skin.

Starsky shook his head. “I hate all this hiding, this pretending that we’re just friends. It feels like we’re livin’ a lie.”

“I don’t like it either, Gordo. But you know we have to be cautious.”

“Yeah, I know, I know.   And I agree, I really do. We do have to be careful. But there’s nothin’ sayin’ I have to like it.”

“No, but you do have to let me go.” he tried to push himself out of his lover’s arms.

“But I thought we could do a little of this…” Pulling Hutch closer, he placed a trail of kisses along Hutch’s neck.  

“…and a little of this…” catching an earlobe between his teeth, nibbling as one hand snaked down to lightly brush against the prize hidden under the towel.

“God, Starsk, you’re killing me.”

Starsky chuckled then gently pushed Hutch away. “Go, finish getting dressed…before I ravage you right here.”

“Then you would have to explain to Dobey why we’re late for work. Again!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“OK, Gentlemen, fill me in.” Dobey said to the four men joking and laughing in his office.

Starsky and Hutch sat while Pete Simmons and Mike Babcock leaned against the wall, all four men turning their attention to the meeting.

Hutch began the update. “There are five companies in the downtown area that deal in rare gems, mostly diamonds. As of the day before yesterday, our thieves have hit three of them.”

Starsky picked up the story.  “They seem to hit at night, after the place is closed and they take only the uncut gems.”

“The descriptions,” Simmons added, “that we have are…two males, one blond or light brown hair, approximately six feet tall, the other approximately five ten, five eleven with dark hair…”

Babcock laughed “Hey guys,” pointing to Starsky and Hutch, ‘that sounds like you two.”

“Didn’t ya know, Mike? This is only our day job.” Starsky countered, smiling broadly.

They all chuckled at that, then Dobey brought the meeting back under control.  “What else do you four clowns have?”

“Not much,” Starsky continued.  “We were thinkin’ these guys could check out ‘World of Gems’ while Hutch and I check out ‘The Diamond Exchange’”.

“Looking for what?”

“We want to get a feel for the layouts, Captain.” Babcock responded.

“And see if  a stakeout of both or either businesses would be in order.” Simmons finished.

Dobey looked carefully at all four men. These two teams worked together on occasion and they worked together well.  “Then get out of here.  Go! Investigate! The city doesn’t pay you to sit around my office!”

The four men left amid a chorus of “Yes, sir” and “Yes, Captain” with Starsky pulling the door closed behind him.  Just before the door was closed, Starsky stuck his head back in.

“Your talks are always so inspirin’, Cap’n.”

“Get out of my office!” Laughter followed the closing door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The sun was shining brightly, the temperature was mild and the humidity was low.  “ _A perfect day.”_ Hutch thought as Starsky moved the Torino leisurely through traffic on the way to the Diamond Exchange.  He stuck his head out the window, letting the breeze ruffle his hair. 

Starsky glanced over at his partner and laughed.  “Hey, mush brain, what do you think you’re doin’?”

“Just catching the breeze.” He pulled his head back into the car and smiled. 

“Yeah, well, you’re libel to catch more than a breeze, you keep doin’ that.”

Hutch ran his fingers through his hair, straightening the wind-blown locks.  “You know, Starsk, you’ve got to learn to enjoy the moments, see the beauty in each day, appreciate the little things.”

“Yeah, well, what I’d appreciate right now is if we could nab these crooks today so we could close this case and have the weekend off.”  He reach his right hand over and placed it on Hutch’s leg, squeezing gently  “Then I’ve got a whole ‘nother idea of what to ‘appreciate’. Ya know what I mean?”

“Is that all you ever think about?” Hutch laughed, removing the hand from his leg.

“Not all,” Starsky chuckled, putting both hands back on the wheel then glanced at his partner, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively “But mosta the time…” causing his partner to laugh.  “What would you want to do this weekend?  Any ideas?”

“Well,” he paused, as if thinking, “there’s that new exhibit at the Contemporary Art Museum we could check out. I hear the watercolors are amazing.”  Hutch watch out of the corner of his eye as his partner’s bright expression dimmed.  “Or we could go hiking up in Angeles, spend the day in nature.”  Starsky’s expression turned to a frown. “Or…there’s always that car show down in Laguna.” He looked over at his partner, seeing the huge smile on his face.

“You’d really spend the day at the car show with me?”

“Sure”  Hutch put his hand on his partners shoulder as he continued planning.  “We could check out the cars, you could take pictures, then maybe we could hit a few of the shops, have a nice dinner. Sound like a plan?”

“Sounds like a great plan!   Now we just have to catch these two yahoos.”

Their conversation was interrupted by the radio.  “Zebra Three! Zebra Five! 211 silent alarm at the Diamond Exchange, 607 Hill Street.” 

Hutch grabbed the mike.  “Zebra Three responding.  Zebra Five, what is your location?”

“Zebra Five is about eight miles south.” Simmons voice answered.

“Zebra Five, Zebra Three is about 3 minutes away.  We’ll take the front and you guys come around the back of the building.”

“Roger that, Zebra Three.  Zebra Five out.” 

“Here we go!” Starsky said as he hit the siren while Hutch placed the mars light on the car roof.  Starsky floored the gas, guiding the Torino through city traffic like Mario Andretti at Le Mans. About a block away from their destination, he slowed as Hutch killed the siren and pulled the light back into the car.  They approached the location slowly, scanning the area around the targeted building. 

“What are they doin’ hittin’ the Mart now?  They usually hit at night?”

“Don’t know, Starsk. Maybe they have a dinner date.”

As they came up to the alley that ran next to the building, Hutch saw two men that match the descriptions leaving the side exit. 

“There!” he pointed as he opened the door and jumped out of the slow moving vehicle.  Starsky pulled the Torino diagonally into the alley, blocking any escape in that direction then jumped out of the car and leaped over the hood, following his partner down the alley.

The two thieves, one blond, the other brown-haired, both carried leather satchels and didn’t appear to be armed. Hutch leaped, catching the blond thief in a flying tackle, bringing him to the ground as Starsky continued after the other man.  The blond rolled over, swinging the satchel at Hutch’s head, connecting with his shoulder instead.  Hutch fell to the side but recovered and continued grappling with the man, exchanging blows until he grabbed the thief and threw him up against the wall then down to the ground.  Stunned, the criminal offered little resistance as Hutch, listening to the sounds from further down the alley that indicated that his partner was engaging with his quarry, cuffed the man’s hands behind his back.

His man restrained, Hutch glanced down the alley to watch while Starsky continued to battle with his offender, a flurry of body shots almost knocking his opponent off his feet. Hutch was confident that Starsky could hold his own against just about anyone. Hell, he could already hear the rash of abuse he’d have to take if he went to his partner’s aid. _“What wrong with you, Hutch, you think I can’t hold my own?”_. No, he felt no urgent need to go to Starsky’s assistance. Besides, he enjoyed watching his partner battle.

Starsky took a right to the chin, causing him to stumble. As he turned to reengage, the felon reached to the ground and came up with what looked like a metal pipe, which he swung, baseball bat style, with all his strength, catching Starsky in the left side of his head.  Starsky appeared to hang frozen in motion for a split second before he crumbled bonelessly to the ground. 

Stunned, Hutch couldn’t move, couldn’t call out as he watched the thief bring the object up, over his head, preparing for another blow.  Then, as the thief began his downward motion, a shot rang out and the man stopped in mid-motion before falling over.

The sound of the shot seemed to free Hutch from his paralysis and, as he saw Simmons step out from one side of the connecting alley with his gun drawn, he ran to his downed partner, going to his knees beside the prone body.

Starsky was unconscious, the left side of his head and face covered with blood.  Hutch felt his neck for a pulse, finding a beat that was slow and a bit unsteady.  He wanted nothing more than to take his lover into his arms but he was afraid to move him, to touch him.

“Get help” he said softly, as Babcock, coming from the opposite direction, came upon the scene and quickly took everything in. 

“Backup is on its way,” he told Hutch, who knelt unmoving, by his fallen partner.  He then checked for a pulse on the felon, finding none.  “This one’s gone.  I’ll call for an ambulance.  Pete, make sure that guy doesn’t go anywhere.” he said, pointing his partner to the handcuffed man as he headed back to his car.  Simmons picked up the dead man’s satchel then went down the alley to the other thief.

Hutch took off his shirt and bunched it up, gently applying it to the side of Starsky’s head.  “Hang in there, buddy...help is on the way. Just hang on.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The scene was a flurry of activity.  Three patrol cars, plus Captain Dobey, arrived at the scene just before the ambulance pulled up.  The body of the dead thief had been loaded into the coroners wagon and the two inch wide lead pipe was gathered as evidence, along with both satchels of tools and gems. The medics had tended to Starsky, applying a compression bandage to his head wound and placing a cervical collar around his neck.

Hutch stood to the side, surrounded by Simmons and Babcock, watching the attendants prepare his still unconscious partner for transport.  As they moved to place him in the ambulance, Hutch moved to follow, then hesitated, momentarily unsure.

“Go with your partner,” Babcock said, a hand on Hutch’s shoulder. ”Pete and I will handle everything here.”  Hutch looked at him, questioning.  “Go on! We’ll take care of this.”

“Thanks, Mike,” Hutch said as he climbed into the back of the ambulance.  The door was closed behind him and the vehicle sped away from the scene, sirens blaring, just as Dobey approached the two remaining men.

“Where’s Hutchinson?”

“Where do you think, Captain?” Babcock responded.  Dobey nodded as all three men watched the retreating medical vehicle.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hutch stood in the waiting room, his back against the wall, staring at the door. He didn’t know how long he’d been standing there…one hour, two hours, five hours…staring at that door.   The door that led to the examination area. The area he’d been told, in no uncertain terms, that he was NOT allowed to enter. On the other side of that door was his partner, his lover, the most important person in his life. And he stood here, on this side of the door, alone.

Captain Dobey was there, sitting in the waiting room. Huggy had been there for a while but had gone, asking Dobey to keep him informed. And Hutch stood alone, staring at that door.

The elevator open and Babcock and Simmons exited and, spotting Hutch, headed for him.

“Any word yet?” Babcock asked, handing the detective a set of handcuffs.

“No, nothing yet.” Hutch shook his head, turning the handcuffs over in his hands. “How’d it go downtown?”

“One in the morgue, one in a cell. He sang like a canary. Just waiting on a warrant for the ‘boss man’. We thought we’d come down to check on Starsky.”

Hutch gave Babcock a tight smile. “Thanks.” He turned his eyes back to the doors.

“No problem, Hutch” Simmons added, “We told you we’d take care of everything.”

Hutch nodded as Dobey came up behind the detectives. “Progress?”

“We just need to put the finishing touches on the reports, Captain. We’ll have them on your desk by the end of the day.”

Suddenly Hutch straightened. Movement…the door…that door…opened slowly, revealing a man, dressed in green scrubs and a white coat, a weary look on his face. He looked around and, spying the four men, walked towards them.

“Detective Hutchinson?” he asked, searching the faces.

“I’m Hutchinson.” He said as he stepped forward, shoving the handcuffs into his back pocket. “How’s my partner?”

The doctor looked at the four faces waiting in anticipation. “My name is Doctor Mark Callaghan.” He offered Hutch his hand “I’m the neurologist tending to Detective Starsky.”

“How is he? Is he alright?” Hutch asked impatiently, ignoring the outstretched hand.

“His condition is stable but he is currently unconscious. Your partner took a heavy blow to the left side of his head.” He touched the left side of Hutch’s head. “Right about here.”

“Yeah,” Hutch interrupted, knocking the hand away. “the perp hit him with a lead pipe.”

“Yes, well, he has what appears to be a simple fracture to the left parietal bone. There was slight damage to the external tissue…a lot of blood but it only took a few stitches to close it up. But the blow has caused a severe concussion.”

“What else?” Hutch asked, impatiently. “What about any other issues? You said a skull fracture. What about brain damage?

“The parietal area of the brain, right under that fracture, controls and modulates many of the body’s sensory functions, like sight, balance, touch, the ability to feel pain, etc. Our tests have not indicated any injury to that area of the brain but, to be perfectly honest, we really won’t know if there are any additional issues until your partner regains consciousness.”

“And when will that be?”

“I’m afraid that would be up to your partner. It could be hours, it could be days…there’s just no way of knowing.”

Hutch nodded his understanding. “Can I see him, sit with him?”

“We’re having him moved to a room in Neurology, up on four. Why don’t you go to the waiting room up there and I’ll have the nurse let you know as soon as he is settled. Then you can go see him.” Dr. Callaghan looked at the men. “I won’t limit the times of your visit but I must insist that you gentlemen limit the visits to one at a time.”

All the men nodded their understanding.

“Very well.” Dr. Callaghan turned to leave then turned back to the men. “Oh, Detective Hutchinson…”

“Yeah?”

“Talk to him. Your voice may be lifeline that guides him back.”

Hutch nodded, a small smile creasing his face. “I’ll do my best, doc.”

Dr. Callaghan turned and went back through the door as Hutch headed for the elevator, leaving the other men behind.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Three days. Three days of hospital coffee. Three days of food from a machine. Three days of waiting…and watching…and nurses…and doctors…and nothing.

Huggy had been there. Captain Dobey, too. Babcock, Simmons…and Minnie stopped by. But, still…nothing.

Hutch sat in the chair, looking at the hardware surrounding his unconscious partner. A machine to measure brain waves, a machine to measure heart rate, one for respiration. To the best of his knowledge, all readings appeared to be normal. “ _So, why aren’t you waking up_?” he silently questioned.

He squeezed the hand he held, Starsky’s left hand, his stronger hand, hoping for some response. When none came, he hung his head.

“I’m sorry, Starsk, I’m so, so sorry. This was all my fault. I…I just stood there…stood there and watched while that thug bashed your head in. What kind of partner am I to just stand there!!!   I should have helped you…I should have done something…I should’ve...”

He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths that didn’t help the thoughts racing around in his head. He should have…should have…but he didn’t. And now his partner was lying here, unconscious, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do.

“I’m so tired, babe. So tired of sitting here like this…waiting…hoping you wake up, praying you don’t die.”

Hutch looked up to his partner’s face, almost serene in his unconscious state. Except for the small white bandage on the side of his head, surrounded by brown curls, and the cannula directing oxygen into his nose, Starsky could be sleeping peacefully.

“But you’re not sleeping, are you?” Hutch sighed.

“You can’t keep doing this to me, babe. I just can’t take it anymore. I’m always scared! So dammed scared!” Hutch slowly shook his head.

“Every time you take off running, saying ‘ _I’ll get the back’_ , every time I go high and you go low…hell, every single time we go out on the streets. I’m just so scared something’s gonna happen! Something just like this.”

He blinked back the tears as his eyes scanned the room, trying to get himself back together.

“Hell”, he chuckled sadly “I guess I’ve put you through the same thing a number of times. How many bullets, and bombs, those days when I was trapped under the car in that canyon…the plague! But, after the last time,” he shook his head “After the last time, I made myself a promise! I swore...we wouldn’t do this to each other anymore.”

Hutch looked back at his partner, his lover and stopped trying to hold back his tears, just letting them flow down his cheeks

“But, after Gunther, you were so focused on your recovery, so adamant that you had to get back on the streets, I just…couldn’t hold you back. I just couldn’t tell you… “ He paused a moment   “And during your recovery we found…we found us. You’ve made my life so much better…and it made the fear so much worse.”

“But this has to stop. I can’t…I just can’t.” Hutch took a deep, cleansing breath, steeling his resolve.

“So you see, Starsk, you have to wake up. I have to tell you. And this time, I will! I’ll talk to you! Explain how I feel. You’ll understand, I know you will. Because you love me…almost as much as I love you.” He added with a smile. “You just have to wake up.”

He placed a kiss on the hand he was holding, giving it another squeeze…and felt a gently squeeze in return.

“Starsk?!?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Awareness came gradually with sensations registering each in their own time.

Darkness…then a distant suggestion of pain.

Sound…not clear, not anything he could make out...just the knowledge that sound existed.

The sensations began to become more clear, more distinct as the darkness seemed to settle around him.

Beeping…rhythmic and clear…and the slow recognition that this was a good thing.

The pain settled into a fierce throbbing in his head…a throbbing that suggested that opening his eyes was not something he really wanted to do.

The clarification of that feeling was followed by recognition that something…someone was holding onto his hand.

The sounds became clearer and he understood that words were being spoken. They were not yet distinguishable but he recognized the voice and that brought him a feeling of peace.

Hutch was here…Hutch was holding his hand…Hutch was talking to him.

Hutch needed him. Hutch loved him.

And he loved Hutch.

He languished in the darkness with no sense of time, enjoying the sounds and the feeling of his lover…until the words began to become clear…

_‘…I love you…You just have to wake up.’_

He felt the pressure on his hand and, using all of his strength, returned it the best he could.

_‘Starsk?!?'_

Hutch was calling him. He had to wake up, had to open his eyes, had to let Hutch know that he was okay…

He slowly opened his eyes, or, at least he thought he did. But the darkness prevailed. ‘ _Maybe I didn’t’_ He decided to try his voice.

“..uu..tch..”

“I’m here, babe. I’m right here.” Starsky felt a hand caress his face. “I need you to wake up, Starsk. I need you to open your eyes for me.”

Hutch needed him to open his eyes. _‘I can do that’_ he thought _‘I can open my eyes for Hutch’_

“There you go, babe…you can do it”

_‘I’m trying. I’m trying’_

“Let me see them baby blues.”

“Huu..uu..tch”

“Right here, babe.   That’s it, let me see ‘em”

He was trying, trying as hard as he could, but, still, the darkness prevailed.

“There you go, babe. Those beautiful eyes, just looking at me.”

 _‘Looking at you….where?’_ “Hu’ch…where…are you?”

“I right here, babe. Right here, smiling at you.”

“Hutch,” he whispered, as realization set in. “Hutch, I can’t see.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hutch raced out into the hallway and over to the nurses station, looking for assistance.  Luckily, the nurse on duty was one he recognized, although he couldn’t recall her name.  “Nurse! Miss!”

“Detective, calm down. What’s wrong.”

Her soothing voice did nothing to calm the feelings of panic and fear coursing through Hutch’s body.  “He’s awake!  Starsky…he’s awake!  But…but…he says he can’t see!”

“Alright.  OK, just a second.” the nurse picked up the phone, an action that only increased the man’s anxiety.  He was torn between racing back to his partner and grabbing the nurse and dragging her along.  “Hurry!”

The nurse hung up the phone, grabbed a chart and headed towards Starsky’s room. “Tell me what happened?”

He walked beside her, trying to hurry what he felt was a leisurely pace “I was sitting with him and…and talking to him, like the doctor said, and he squeezed my hand. Not hard but…but…anyway he opened his eyes and I was looking at him and…and still talking to him, of course.  Then…then…” Hutch, grabbed the nurse’s arm, stopping her just outside the hospital room door “then he said he couldn’t see.”

“OK, let’s have a look.”  The nurse opened the door.  Hutch pushed passed her and rushed to Starsky’s side.

“Hutch?”

“I’m here, babe.” Hutch grabbed Starsky’s hand and ran his other hand over the brown curls, more to calm himself than his partner.

“Detective Starsky, how are you feeling?”  the nurse moved to the other side of the bed

“I can’t see…”

“So your partner informed me. “ She laid the chart down and, smiling at Hutch, picked up Starsky’ wrist, taking his pulse.  “Let’s me check out a few things.”  She released his wrist and made a notation on the chart.  “Now, my name is Nurse Ogulowinsky…”

“Og…ogo…low” 

“Just call me Nurse Dawn, Detective.”

“David.”

“David. Don’t worry, nobody can pronounce the name.“ She continued her preliminary examination, noting the current readings on the chart, as she began her questions.  “So, can you tell me what year it is?”

“1980?”

“And who is the president?”

“Uh…Carter.”

“Good.  Can you tell me what day it is?”

“Day...uh…I…I don’t…I’m not sure.”  Starsky’s nervousness and discomfort transmitted itself to Hutch, who was becoming angry with, what he felt was,  this nurses’ cavalier attitude.

“That’s OK, David” she chuckled “That was a trick question. I will tell you that you’ve been unconscious for three days.”

“Three days?  Three days…then today would be…Thursday?”

“Very good!   You get an A.  Now…”

Hutch had sat silently through this exchange but, finally, his patience reached its limits.  This nurse, with her casual manner and little jokes, just wasn’t taking the situation seriously and he wasn’t putting up with it any longer. “Can we stop with the games and the questions and get the doctor in here?  Where is the doctor?”

“The doctor has been notified that David is awake.  He is on his way.  But, until, then, I need to gather some preliminary information.” 

Her voice hadn’t changed, retaining the calm and soothing quality.  But her eyes, the eyes that now pinned Hutch to his chair, held steely determination and a ‘don’t mess with me’ attitude that almost frightened him.  He looked at his partner and, surprised not to see panic on Starsky’s face, came to a realization.  What he took as casual, cavalier, unconcerned was all an act, designed to calm and soothe her patient in what can only be described as a stressful and frightening situation. He looked back at Nurse Dawn and gave her a smile and a nod in acknowledgement.  She smiled in return then continued.

“Now David, I want you to tell me the last thing you remember.”

“Remember...well…it was Monday...Monday afternoon…and…and we were…in an alley…chasing two perps…right?”

“Right.”  Hutch glanced at Nurse Dawn, concerned that maybe he shouldn’t be answering but she smiled and nodded in return.

“And…I caught my guy…You got your guy, didn’t you Hutch?

“Yeah, we got them both, partner.”

“Good…well…I got in a few good punches but he got me in the chin. Man, did he have a right hook!”

“Yeah, “ Hutch lightly touched the left side of his partners face.  “You’ve got a rainbow of colors here to prove it.”

“I remember getting punched...then turning back...and then…nothin’.  That’s all I remember.”

“That’s excellent, David.” The voice from the other side of the room belonged to Dr. Callaghan, who had entered without anyone noticing. He walked up to the bed and took Starsky’s right hand.  “I know you don’t remember me but I’m Doctor Mark Callaghan and I’ve been looking after you.   With the help, of course, of Nurse Dawn here.”  He took the chart from the nurse and gave it a quick look.  “With your injury, memory, both long and short term, can be effected.  But it appears that you remember everything, right up to the incident.”

“Incident? Injury?  What happened? Hutch?”

“Just as your turned around, the guy hit you in the head. With a 2-inch lead pipe.”

“Ouch.” Starsky raised his right hand to his head.  “That explains the battle going on inside here.”

Callaghan smiled at his patient’s attempted humor in spite of the circumstances. He removed a penlight from his pocket, shining it into Starsky’s right eye, then the left. After a moment, he turned off the light, returned it to his pocket then made a notation on the chart.

“David, I’ll be straight with you. You suffered a simple fracture on the left side of your head and have a severe concussion. All your stats look good. Your memory appears to be intact, your deductive abilities seem to be functioning. So everything appears to be good. But…”

“But I can’t see!”

“But you can’t see and, at the moment, I can’t tell you why. So I’m going to schedule a few tests. I want a look inside that head of yours. Unfortunately, until then, I can’t give you anything for the headache.”

“That’s alright, Doc. Just figure out what’s going on, OK?”

Callaghan patted Starsky’s hand then turned to the nurse, giving her instructions before heading out the door.

Hutch stood “Starsk,” he cradled Starsky face in his hand. “I’m gonna leave you in the hands of the beautiful Nurse Dawn for a minute. Is that ok?”

“Beautiful?”

“Beautiful and blond.”

“OK, but don’t be too long.”

A pat to Starsky’s face and a smile to Nurse Dawn and Hutch was out the door after Dr. Callaghan. He found the doctor at the nurses station, waiting.

“I thought I’d miss you.” Hutch said nervously

“I had a feeling you’d be after me so…”

“So, what’s going on? Why can’t he see?”

Dr Callaghan looked over the man standing before him, the embodiment of nervous anxiety. “Detective Hutchinson, there isn’t anything that I didn’t tell your partner in there. After an initial examination, I found no physical reason why his sight is gone.” He saw the frustration on Hutch’s face. “Look, we’ll run some tests and see what comes out. The one thing I can tell you is I see no reason for you to be concerned about any ‘additional issues’ related to the head injury. But that’s all I can give you until we run the tests.”

Hutch nodded and offered his hand to the Doctor. “Thanks, Doc.   I appreciate it.”

Dr. Callaghan shook the offered hand then headed for the elevator while Hutch returned to his partner’s room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Starsky lay in the bed, his head raised, his sightless eyes staring straight ahead. Hutch, holding onto his hand, sat in his chair next to the bed.

Starsky had spent all morning going through what had felt like every test in creation and his headache was finally calming down to a constant pounding, as he and his partner waited to hear the results.

“What time is it?” Starsky asked quietly.

“About ten minutes later than it was the last time you asked.” Hutch replied

“Sorry”, Starsky gave his partner a small smile. “It’s hard to judge time when…when you can’t see.”

At that moment, the door opened and Dr Callaghan entered, scanning a chart.

“It’s Doctor Callaghan, Starsk.” Hutch quietly informed him

“Doc, finally.” Starsky tried to sound more upbeat than he felt. “I thought maybe everybody went home and forgot about us.”

Callaghan looked up from the chart, taking in the anxious faces of the two men. “Gentlemen…” He paused

“C’mon, Doc, what’s the news?’

“OK, David, the test results have all come back negative. The brain scan shows no visible signs of injury, the optic nerves appear to be fully intact. Everything looks fine.”

“But I can’t see.”

Callaghan nodded. “I know.”

“I know! Is that all you’ve got to say? I know!” Hutch shouted, standing to confront the doctor until he felt his partner’s hand grabbing for him, trying to pull him back to the chair.

“Hutch…c’mon, babe…don’t antagonize the man that’s gonna help fix me.” Hutch glared at the doctor for a moment then returned to the chair.

Callaghan watch the men’s interaction before he continued. “Detective, I understand your frustration, really, I do. But, in spite of the current situation, this news is good.”

“Explain to me the ‘good’, Doc”

“Your blindness is likely the result of the concussion you’ve suffered. No sign of brain injury is a positive. The uninjured optic nerve means that your eyes should work. So the odds are that your blindness is only temporary and your sight will return.”

“When?” Hutch asked “How long will he be blind?”

“Unfortunately, I can’t tell you that.” He turned to Starsky “David, as your concussion heals, your sight should return. But, and I want to be perfectly honest with you, there are no guarantees.”

“What are the odds?” asked Hutch

Dr. Callaghan thought for a moment, trying to decide exactly how honest he should be with these two men. Separately, they seemed understandably worried…unsettled. But together…Callaghan sensed a strength in the two that could weather just about anything. He decided the nothing less than the whole truth would work here.

“Right now, I’d say the odds are 50/50”

“I hear a ‘but’ here, Doc.”

“But, the truth is, the longer your blindness lasts, David, the lower the odds are that your sight will fully return.”

Hutch watch as Starsky silently nodded then turned back to the doctor.

“Thanks Dr. Callaghan.”

“Any other questions?” When no response was given, Callaghan headed for the door. “If either of you have any further questions, feel free to come find me.” Met by only silence, Dr. Callaghan left the room, leaving the two men alone to digest the news.

Starsky felt around the bed. Hutch grabbed the wandering hand, squeezing it gently, trying to transmit all of the love he felt to his partner.

 _‘Blind’ the doctor said. ‘Maybe temporary but….’ “50/50” ‘The longer it lasts, the lower the odds…’_ Hutch hung his head, the fragments of conversation running through his mind, trying to hold back the tears. He had to hold on. He had to be strong…he had to be strong for Starsky.

“Hutch…” Starsky’s voice came out as a whisper. “I don’t….I don’t think I can do this!’

Hutch’s head snapped up, seeing the desolation on his partner’s face. “You can do anything, do you hear me?” He sat on the bed next to his partner, kissing the hand he held in both of his, squeezing gently. “Starsky, you are the strongest person I know. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve faced every challenge head on and you fought back with a strength that just…just blows me away.”

“But this….this….is different.” Starsky shook his head, momentarily forgetting his headache. “I’m blind, Hutch. How do I fight this?”

“We.” Hutch said definitively “We fight this and, like everything else, we fight it together.”

“Aw, babe…no…I can’t ask you…”

“Don’t.” Hutch stood, pointing a finger at his partner, anger staining his voice. “Just don’t!”

Hutch began pacing, almost overcome by anger and fear. He wasn’t surprised by what Starsky had started to say. Hell, if their positions were switched, he’d probably be saying the same thing but still…

“Babe?”

He stopped and looked at his partner and was heartbroken by the fear and devastation on the other man’s face. He returned to the bed and sat, once again taking Starsky’s hand as he placed a kiss on the side of his face.

“Sorry, babe, I’m sorry, but…” He took a deep breath and released it. “Starsky, I know what you’re going to say and I don’t want to hear it.”

“How do you know what I was gonna say?”

Hutch caressed Starsky’ face. “Because I know you. _‘You didn’t sign up for this, Hutch. I can’t ask you to take this on, babe. You need to go live your own life.’_ Well, let me enlighten you. You ARE my life! You are my reason…for living, for breathing…for waking up in the morning and for sleeping at night. Don’t you get it? What happens to you, happens to me.”

“Still…” Starsky began, then stopped

Hutch stared at his lover, seeing his every thought move across the expressive face. He watched as the face began to close off, began to lock him out. He reached out to cupped that face, turning it to stare into the sightless eyes.

“Don’t close me out, Starsk! Don’t push me away, thinking it’s for my own good. Please don’t. I love you more than anything in this world. If you push me away I…I wouldn’t know what to do. I need you! I can’t survive without you.”

“Hutch…”

He placed two fingers on Starsky’s lips, silencing him. Hutch took a breath, trying to clear the tears from his voice. “Don’t push me away, Starsk. Please, please don’t leave me alone.”

Starsky reached out and pulled Hutch to him, wrapping his lover in his arms. “I’m sorry, babe. I’m sorry.” He ran his hand over the blond hair, caressing his lover. “I won’t push you away, babe.   I promise. I’ll never push you away.”

They shared a quiet moment, gaining strength from each other. “And I will fight this,” Starsky whispered. “I promise you that. I won’t give up. OK? Together, we’ll make it through this. I promise.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was dark by the time Hutch pulled the Torino into the driveway, turned off the car and dropped his head back onto the headrest. God, he was tired!

It had been a rollercoaster day, with highs… _Starsky woke up_ …

…to lows… _Starsky couldn’t see_

…with hope… _tests that would discover the cause…_

…and despair… _no reason could be determined._

After all of the emotion, a stunned Hutch had helped his equally dazed partner eat at least some of his evening meal, sat with him after he had taken his medications and held his hand until he fell asleep.

Assured by Nurse Dawn that Starsky would sleep through the night and that he would be called if, by chance, his partner should awaken, Hutch had left the hospital for the first time in three days and went directly to Starsky's apartment.

Steeling himself, knowing there were things to do before he could even think of sleeping, Hutch got out of the car and, counting the steps, slowly made his way to the front door

Three steps up, left turn…three steps up, right turn…three steps up, left turn…three steps up, the door.

During his hospital stay last year, the lease on Starsky’s apartment had run out. Hutch had assured his partner that he could find him a new place, a better place so, by mutual agreement, the lease was not renewed. Hutch had come thru, finding a place that was closer to his apartment, that had fewer steps for an easier entrance and a floorplan that would be easier to navigate for the recovering man.

Hutch unlocked the door and stepped into the darkened apartment, closing the door behind him. Hitting the wall switch that turned on all of the lights, he looked around, taking in the large, open area from a new perspective.

The open ‘great room’ had nothing separating the living room, dining room and kitchen areas. When Hutch had first seen the place, he thought the open space would be an aid in Starsky’s recovery, allowing him to move about easily, thereby building his confidence. Now, well, now if would definitely aid in Starsky’s ability to move around.

Off to the left of the kitchen area were two doors, leading to the only closed off areas of the apartment: the bathroom and the bedroom. The large bedroom also had an entrance into the bathroom. This had proven to offer the recovering man some privacy in which he could fully relax, especially away from the eyes of his many well-meaning visitors.

Hutch was sure that this openness, along with the ability for privacy, would be even more important to his partner now.

Dropping his keys on the small table by the door, Hutch went directly to the kitchen area. Opening the refrigerator to grab a beer, he was assaulted by a rancid stench.

“Jesus, Starsk, what did you have in here?” Surprised at the ‘aroma’ that had built up over just three days, he grabbed the trashcan and began dumping everything, containers included, into the trash. All opened liquids; bottles of flat soda, a carton of ‘chunky’ milk, were dumped into the nearby sink.

Closing up the trash bag, Hutch carried it out to the metal trash can in the driveway then, returning inside, sat down and began making a list of things that needed to be done, including replacing the spoiled food.

He didn’t know how soon his partner would be released from the hospital but he knew this place needed to be cleaned, the bed stripped, the laundry done. And he still had to go to his place.

‘ _My plants are probably all dead’_ he thought, adding ‘watering’ to the list. A few more items were added then he stopped to think.

He had to talk to Dobey. He would need time off. He needed to be here for his partner until he could take care of himself.

Making that final notation on the list and knowing he wanted to be at the hospital before his partner woke up in the morning, he got up and slowly moved into the bedroom, stripped down to his underwear, set the alarm and fell into the bed.

Between one breath and the next, the exhausted man fell asleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hutch knocked on the doorjamb as he stuck his head into Dobey’s office “Captain, you got a few minutes?”

“Come in and close the door.”

Hutch did as he was told and took a seat in front of Dobey’s desk. He looked over at the other chair, momentarily surprised to not see his partner next to him. The Captain’s voice caught his attention.

“How’s Starsky doing?”

“Doing good, Captain, considering. They’re releasing him the day after tomorrow.” After three days of being unconscious and five days of tests and rehabilitation therapy, in two more days, Starsky was coming home.

“Releasing him?”

“Yeah,” Hutch rubbed his forehead. “Other than some work on how to navigate obstacles and use the cane, there’s really nothing else they can do. It’s just a waiting game now.”

“And the chances of Starsky regaining his sight?”

“Maybe 50-50, according to the neurologist.” Hutch sighed “But the longer it takes, he said, the lower the odds get.”

Dobey stared at his detective for a few minutes before he spoke. “So, how long do you need?”

Hutch looked at his Captain in surprise “What?”

“How long do you need?” Dobey saw the amazement on his detective’s face. “Look, Ken, I get it. Your partner is getting out of the hospital and you need to be there for him, at least until he’s able to take care of himself. And you need to take time off to do that. So, I’ll ask you again…How long do you need.”

“Well, I have about six weeks of vacation time saved up, so I was hoping…”

Dobey held up his hand to cut Hutch off. “Spend the rest of today and tomorrow getting all your reports completed. Bring Simmons and Babcock up to date on any open cases you’ve got.” He pulled a form out of his desk drawer and pushed it over to Hutch. “Sign this leave request form. I’ll fill the rest of it out and put through all the necessary paperwork. As of end of day tomorrow, you’re on extended leave.”

Hutch signed the form and handed it back to his captain. “You’re a great boss, Captain. And an even better friend.”

“I know what you guys mean to each other.” Dobey looked up as Hutch stood. “I had a partner once, too. Remember?”

Hutch nodded as he stood. “Thanks, Captain.”

Dobey waved him off as he headed out of the office. “Oh, and Hutchinson…”

Hutch stopped at the opened door, looking back at his boss.

“Let Starsky know that Edith would like a chance to visit, when he’s feeling up to it, that is. Me, too.”

Hutch smiled and nodded. “I’ll tell him, Captain. And, thanks again.”

Dobey waved him off again as Hutch left the office.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The drive to Starsky’s place was a quiet one. Hutch had tried to keep a conversation going, something they never really had to work at before. But Starsky’s one word answers advertised his unwillingness to participate.

He had expected his partner to be happy to come home but, even at the hospital, he was quiet, reserved. Very un-Starsky-like.

The counselor at the hospital had mention that, in cases like this, depression was a real possibility. Hutch was determined to do everything he could to make sure that didn’t happen to his partner.

He pulled his car into the driveway directly behind the Torino and turned off the engine. “Well, here we are.”

“Where’s here?” Starsky asked quietly

“Your apartment. Remember, we talked about it?”

“Oh, right.” Starsky sighed. “My apartment.”

“You ready to go in?”

Starsky opened the passenger door and started to climb out “Might as well. Can’t sit out here all day.”

Hutch jumped out of the car, slamming the door and racing around to the passenger side to help his partner. He reached Starsky just in time to catch him as he stumbled up the curb.

“Be careful, Starsk” he said as he grabbed his arm.

Starsky shook him off. “I can do it.”

Hutch sighed. “I’m sure you can, buddy but…just let me help you this first time, ok?”

“OK.” He reluctantly offered his arm to his partner. “Just this first time. A man should be able to enter and leave his home on his own, ya know.”

“I know” Hutch agreed, leading him up to the door. He unlocked and opened the door, guiding his partner in with a hand on his lower back. “Here you go.”

Starsky stepped in cautiously. “You didn’t move all the furniture around, just to confuse me, did ya?”

Hutch chuckled. “No, Starsk, all the furniture is just where you left it.”

They both entered and Hutch closed the door behind him. He watched as Starsky slowly walked around the entire room, running his fingers over every piece of furniture. As he moved into the kitchen area, he did the same thing.

“So…how about I make us some lunch, huh?” Hutch started towards the kitchen.

“No, that’s ok,” he continued to move through the kitchen. “I’m not hungry.”

“You sure, babe? You haven’t eaten since breakfast and that was hospital food,” he joked.

Starsky smiled weakly as he stopped his inspection. “I’m sure, really. I am tired, though. I think I’m gonna lay down for a while, ok?”

“Sure, partner. You go rest a while and I’ll be here when you get up.”

“I’m countin’ on that, blondie.”

Hutch smiled as he watched Starsky walk into the bedroom…and watched as his lover closed the bedroom door behind him. Starsky never closed that bedroom door, especially when Hutch was there.

He sighed. Maybe things weren’t going as well as Hutch had hoped.

Shaking his head, he went into the kitchen to make himself a sandwich.  Grabbing a drink, he sat at the table and tried not to worry about his partner. 

‘ _He just came home._ ’ Hutch thought.  ‘ _He needs to get reoriented.  We’ll  just take it one day at a_ _time_ ’

Finishing his sandwich, he decided to pass the time and go through Starsky’s mail.  He’d let it pile up over the past couple days and the last thing his partner needed to worry about was unpaid bills. 

About twenty minutes later, as he finished paying the last bill and began putting everything away, he thought he heard a sound from the bedroom.  Quietly approaching the closed door, so as not to disturb Starsky’s nap, he heard it again.

“Hutch!”

He pushed open the door at the plea that sounded like a mixture of fear and pain to find his partner sitting up on the side of the bed, fully dressed, except for his shoes. 

“I’m right here, buddy. I’m right here.” He knelt down in front of his partner, surprised to see tracks of tears on the normally cheerful face.  “Hey, what happened?” using his thumbs to wiping away the moisture. “You have a nightmare or something?”

“I got scared,” came the quiet reply

“There’s nothing to be scared of, babe.”

“I know…it’s just…” Starsky sighed, sounding a bit more in control  “Ever since this...happened, you’ve been there, ya know. Every time I fall asleep, every time I wake up…you’ve been with me.”  He turned his face to the blond man.  “I woke up and you weren’t here and….I…I guess I panicked.”

“Well, I’m here now so there’s nothing to worry about.  You still tired?”

“Yeah”

“How’s your head?” he asked, lightly running his hand over the dark curls.

“Pounding.”

“OK, let me go get you a pill then we’ll get you undressed. You’ll sleep better.”

As he stood, Starsky grabbed his arm. “And you’ll stay with me?”

“Sure, I could use a nap.”  Hutch cupped his lover’s face, wiping away the remaining tears.  “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

“’m not goin’ anywhere.”

In less than a minute, Hutch returned, a glass of water in one hand, pain pills in the other.  “Here you go,” he said, handing over the pills then the glass.  Starsky downed the medication then handed the glass back to him, which he placed on the side table. He took both of Starsky’s hands in his.  “OK, stand up and we’ll get you out of these clothes.”

“I can do it.”

“I know you can.  I’m just going to give you a little assistance.   Where are your shoes?”

“Over by the chair.” Starsky pointed as he stood.  “In a specific place where I won’t trip over them when I get out of bed, just like the therapist said.”

Hutch smiled.  “Good boy.”  He laughed as Starsky smack his arm.  “OK, well, the therapist told me that one of the things you have to relearn is your balance.  Without your sight to anchor you, movement while you’re standing still could be a problem.”

“How can I move while I’m standing still?”

“Don’t be a smart-ass, Gordo.” he responded to the smiling face.  “Now, what do you want to take off first?”

“My shirt.”

“OK”  Hutch placed his hands firmly on his partner’s hips.  “I’ve got you, so…”

Starsky pulled off his sweater then his t-shirt, dropping them both on the bed.

“There, how was that?”

“Easy.”

“Now for the jeans.” Hutch moved his hands up, placing them around Starsky’s ribs.  “Go for it.”

Starsky unbuckled his belt, lowered his zipper and began sliding the jeans down his legs. He stopped as he heard Hutch make a ‘ _tsk, tsk, tsk’_ sound.

“Commando, Starsk?   Really?”

He continued to remove his jeans.  “I had trouble puttin’ the underwear on so…”  He dropped the pants on the bed with his shirts, standing naked before his lover.

“Hang on and I’ll get you a pair to put on.”

“Or we could just go to bed naked…and fool around.”

“No” Hutch’s reply came out more stern than he intended.

“No?”  Starsky questioned, the sting of Hutch’s reply obviously hitting its mark  “Why not?”

“Babe…” Hutch pulled him closer. “you just got out of the hospital. It’s your first day home.”

“And they let me out because I’m better.”

“But you’re not fully healed.”

“No, but…”

“You said your head was pounding.”

“Yeah, it is, but…”

“And…” Hutch hesitated then place his hand on the side of Starsky’ face.  “I…I don’t want to hurt you.”

Starsky was quiet for a moment before he continued.  “But I love you.”

Hutch put his arms around him, pulling him close.  “And I love you, more than I can say.   But I...I don’t want to make things worse, babe.”  He placed a kiss on his cheek and stepped back to look at his face.  “Humor me, ok?”

“OK,’ came the reluctant reply.  “My head is still hurtin’.”

“OK. Let me get your underwear, then we can both take a nap.”

He release his partner and opened the dresser drawer, pulled out the clean underwear then turned, going down to his knees…and coming face to face with his partner’s filling cock.

“Starsk…”

“Hey! I got no control over it, babe…it’s got a mind of its own.”

“Okay, okay,” Hutch chuckled.  “Here, step in.”

As his partner finished pulling on the underwear, Hutch began removing his clothes, draping them over the chair. They climbed into the bed and lay down, Hutch on his back in the middle of the bed, Starsky snuggled against his right side. Hutch wrapped his arm around his partner, pulling him in to rest the curly-haired head on his shoulder.

“That better?” Hutch asked.   “Mmmm” came the soft reply

The couple relaxed together, Hutch running his hand up and down his partner’s arm while Starsky’s hand moved gently over Hutch’s chest and stomach. When the wandering hand edged closer to his cock, rebelliously awakening at the closeness of his lover, he grabbed it, stopping the hand’s movement.

“Starsk, c’mon. I’m not made of stone, ya know.”

“Coulda fooled me” he quipped as Hutch moved his hand away from his goal. “I just want to make you feel good, I want to feel good…and know that I can still do that.”

“I know you do, sweetheart. I just…” Hutch sighed

“You won’t hurt me, babe, I promise. I just wanna love you.”

Torn between his desire and fear, he hesitated then placed a kiss on the brown curls. “You’ll tell me if it doesn’t feel good? And you’ll let me do all the work?”

“I will, I promise.” He placed a kiss on Hutch’s chest.

Hutch lifted his head to reach Starsky’s lips, kissing him softly as he slid his left hand down his lover’s body, finding and caressing the cloth-covered cock, feeling it grow in his hand. Parting the material, he wrapped his hand around the heated flesh, squeezing gently, eliciting a moan from his lover. He began stoking gently.

“Oh, yeah…harder, babe…”

Increasing the pressure and lengths of his strokes, he felt pre-come collecting at the tip of the filling cock. He moved his hand to gather the moisture, using it to lubricate his movements over the straining, swelling organ.

“Yeah…oh, God…Hutch…so good” His lover’s hand continued to move over his chest and stomach, nearing his own growing organ.   “Please…please…let me touch you…”

He paused then guided his lovers hand down to his own cock, moaning at the electric feel of that first touch.

Both men moved in unison, gently giving and take pleasure, renewing their connection until, amid gasps and moans, completion bathed their over-heated bodies.

“Oh, babe,” Starsky gasped “That was beautiful.”

“You feel OK?”

“I feel…amazing.” He tilted his head, searching for and finding his partners lips, caressing them gently.

“Think you can relax now?”

“Oh, yeah.” Starsky smiled then snuggled down into his lover’s arms.

Hutch pulled him close as both men drifted off into sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hutch leaned his hands against the wall of the shower, letting the water pummel his shoulders and cascade down his back as he wondered what today was going to bring.

It had been two weeks since he’d brought his partner home from the hospital. Two weeks of days that could be loosely described as good and bad.

The ‘good’ days were when Starsky was unresponsive, speaking only when necessary and then only giving one or two word responses, never smiling, never joking, not like his normal self.

On the ‘bad’ days, Starsky was combative, complaining about everything, arguing with Hutch at every turn. He rebuffed all visitors, even Captain Dobey and Huggy. He declined all of Hutch’s attempts to get him to go outside. And he had refused to make an appointment for the Occupational Therapy that Dr. Callaghan had recommended. It seemed that all he wanted to do was stay in the apartment and either argue with Hutch or ignore him completely.

And Hutch was never sure which ‘Starsky’ he’d get from one day to the next. The one thing he did know was…he was tired, so very tired.

As the water began to turn to cold, he turned it off and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. Using a second towel to dry his hair, he stepped up to the sink and confronted the reflection in the mirror.

_‘You know what kind of day it’s going to be! That’s why your hiding in the bathroom.’_

He nodded at his reflection and began to shave, accepting the silent admonishment. This morning, while Starsky still slept, Hutch had called and scheduled an appointment for his partner with the therapist…and had yet to inform him.

He finished shaving then went into the bedroom and proceeded to get dressed, pulling on a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. Unable to avoid the confrontation any longer, Hutch walked out of the bedroom to face his partner, his lover, the stranger who shared this home.

He found Starsky seated in the chair by the living room window, the sun shining on his bearded face. He was dressed in the same sweatpants and shirt that he’d worn yesterday and, if Hutch remembered correctly, the day before.

He moved over towards his partner, leaning on the sofa that stood between them. “I was going to make some eggs for breakfast. You want some?”

“Fine.” came the snapped response.

Nodding, Hutch headed towards the kitchen. “You think maybe you wanna shower today?”

“Did you leave me any hot water? You were in there long enough. I ain’t takin’ no cold shower!”

“Maybe after breakfast? There should be hot water by then.”

“Maybe.”

Taking the eggs from the refrigerator, he began breaking them into a bowl, figuring scrambled would be easiest. “I called the Rehab center this morning. I made an appointment for you for tomorrow.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

Hutch turned back to his partner. “What?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Starsky repeated as he rose and headed for the bedroom. “I’m not going.”

“What do you mean, you’re not going?”

Starsky stopped and turned to face the kitchen area, confronting his partner. “What…you gone deaf? Or just stupid!   Let me say it real slow for you. I…am…not…going!”

“Starsk, you need to go. Find out what they can teach you. And you need to get out of the house. You need to get out and be with people!”

“And what do you know about what I **NEED**!” Starsky shouted, throwing the cane that had been his one constant companion. “ Let me tell you what I **DON’T** need. I don’t need you hovering over me alla the time, askin’ me how I feel, tellin’ me what to do. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of your…your…pathetic need to be needed! You think you’ve got me where you want me now, dontcha? Helpless and dependent on you. Hell, I bet you’re glad this happened! You’re happy that I’m blind!”

Starsky couldn’t see the look of shock and desolation that crossed Hutch’s face at his comments. He couldn’t see the Nordic skin go deathly white and the shoulders slump in defeat. He didn’t see Hutch walk slowly toward the door as he continued his rant and he didn’t realize he was alone until he heard the click of the front door being pulled closed.

“Hutch! What do you think you’re doin’? What? You trying to make me think you left me alone? That you abandoned me? So I…I’d realize how much I need you? Tryin’ to teach me a lesson?”

He paused, listening to the sound of Hutch’s old clunker start up then pull away.

“Well, I don’t need you, you sonafabitch!” Starsky turned around, heading for the front door. “I can get along just fine…”

His rant was interrupted as he walked into the back of the sofa, stumbled then crashed into the side table, falling onto his back on the floor.

He lay on the floor for a few minutes, his anger dissipating, replaced by sadness and confusion. “Come back, Hutch…please. Forget what I said, I do need you. You know I do. Why did you leave?”

He lay still for a few more minutes, waiting. When it became obvious to him that Hutch wasn’t returning, he got himself up off of the floor and carefully walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Huggy walked out of the kitchen and was behind the bar before he noticed Hutch sitting alone in the far booth. From the look on his friend’s face and the set of his body, Huggy could tell he wasn’t having the best of days. Pouring a shot of whiskey, he headed over to his friend and slowly slid into the booth.

“Hey, Hutch.”

“Hug” Hutch responded quietly, not looking up from the napkin he was shredding.

“You’re not lookin’ too good, my friend. What gives? Where’s Starsky?”

“He’s back at his place, I guess. We had a fight and I walked out. I just left him there. He said…he said some things…he said...”

Huggy placed a hand on his friend’s arm. “It doesn’t matter what he said, my friend. Just by lookin’ at you I can tell it pretty much ripped out your heart.” Huggy pushed the shot glass closer. When Hutch shook his head, waving him off, Huggy pushed it closer. “It can’t hurt.”

Without looking up, Hutch took the glass, threw back the shot then placed the glass back on the table. Scrubbing both hands over his face, he finally met Huggy’s eyes.

“I don’t know what to do, Hug. He won’t talk to me. He just closes off, shuts me out. Either that or he fights me about everything!”

“He’s hurtin’.”

“I know he hurting!” Hutch shouted, then looked around, embarrassed as he lowered his voice. “Don’t you think I know that!”

“I know you know. And you also know that, when he’s hurtin’ or scared, he either gets real quiet or real angry. And I don’t have to tell you, his temper, it should be registered as a lethal weapon.” He paused as Hutch nodded in agreement.

“Let me remind you of some truths, my man. Starsky loves you more than life. He’d kill anyone who hurt you and you know it.” When Hutch looked up at Huggy, he continued. “Remember Moo Moo and Earl? Monk?” Hutch nodded again. “You also know that he’d give up his left arm before he’d do or say anything purposely to hurt you.”

“Yeah.”

“Now, if I know my dark-haired friend, he’s sittin’ at home right now, feelin’ lower than a centipede’s knees.”

Hutch chuckled, then shook his head. “What do I do, Hug?” he asked, toying with the shot glass.

“You know what to do. Talk to him. Get him to tell you what’s got him so scared.”

“Then?”

“Then you fix it.”

“That simple, huh? Just fix it?”

“I didn’t say it would be simple. But I do know this… the only fix for a broken Starsky is a Hutch.”

Hutch sat quietly, still toying with the shot glass, as he thought through everything Huggy had said. Finally, he let out a sigh. “In your own crazy way, you’re right, Huggy. We have to talk, work things out. And that isn’t going to happen with me sitting here.” He stood, patting Huggy on the back. “Thanks for the wisdom, Hug. It did help.”

“I do what I can, my friend. I do what I can.” He watched as Hutch walked out the door. “Good luck, my blond brother.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Starsky stood with his back to the bedroom door, breathing heavily as his anger and frustration began to return.

 _“You bastard,”_ he thought _“You selfish bastard! I’m the one who was injured!”_ He began pacing back and forth beside the bed. _“Where do you get off just walkin’ out like that? Abandoning me? What kind of friend does that?”_

_“The kind of friend whose had enough? The kind of friend who can’t take it anymore? Face it, you haven’t been treating him like a friend.”_

_“What?”_ Starsky was startled by his more rational voice speaking calmly in his head

_“Well, you have to admit you’ve treated him more like your verbal punching bag than your friend.”_

_“Yeah…well…I’ve had my reasons! I’m the one who was injured here!”_

_“Right. You’ve been injured. It isn’t like he suffered at all.”_

_“I didn’t say that.”_

_No? Well, let’s see…you suffered a head injury, were unconscious for three day and woke up blind. And what did he suffer? He wasn’t hurt. He got to just sit around and wait…_

_“Yeah…”_

_“…wait to see if you were going to live, wait to see if you were going to wake up. Waiting…that’s not so hard. It’s nothing compared to what you’ve suffered”_

_“What do you know? Waiting ain’t so easy. I know.   Waiting and not being’ able to go anything…it’s the worst.”_

_“Really? Well, it’s not like he’s helped you since you’ve been home. I mean, you’ve been struggling to adjust to your blindness, trying to figure out what to do with your life and what has he done? Nothing…nothing but give you orders. “Just sit down…Take your pills…Don’t do that…Go outside…Go to therapy!”_

_“It’s not like that! Hutch has been takin’ care me. He’s been by my side every minute, helpin’ me. I don’t know what I would have done without him these past two weeks!”_

_“You don’t say? But I thought you didn’t need him? Isn’t that what you said? Isn’t that what you told him? That you were sick of his…what did you call it? His ‘pathetic need to be needed’?”_

He had no reply for the voice in his head.

_“So now you admit you need him, that he’s been taking care of you, he’s been at your side through this whole thing? And as his reward, he got to be…”_

_“…my verbal punchin’ bag.”_

Starsky dropped down onto the bed, his righteous anger gone, replaced by his embarrassed regret.

“What have I done?” he whispered.

He reclined back against the head of the bed, contemplating the past two weeks, what he’d done and what he’d said and what he was going to have to do to fix it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hutch opened the door, preparing for a confrontation. He was surprised and relieved when it didn’t come. Looking around, he realized that his partner wasn’t in sight but the bedroom door was closed. Confident that his friend had taken refuge in there, he noticed the disruption.

The sofa was pushed a bit to the side. The end table was turned over, the lamp and candy dish that normally sat atop the table were strewn across the floor.

He set the table back up and retrieved the lamp and dish, thankful that neither were broken. Picking up the wrapped candy, he scanned the area for blood. Finding none, he was confident that, whatever had happened here, his partner wasn’t injured.

After leaving The Pits, he’d spent the time trying to figure out what to do.   That something had to be done was a given. They couldn’t continue like this. He had to get Starsky to talk to him. And he had to talk to Starsky, let him know what he’d been feeling. He just wasn’t sure how to go about getting that conversation started.

Deciding that coffee just might help, he went into the kitchen, intent on making a fresh pot. It was getting close to lunch time, too but, even with the aborted breakfast, Hutch didn’t think he could eat.

As the coffee finished, he heard the sound of the bedroom door slowly opening behind him. Hutch stiffened, awaiting the next confrontation.

“Hey.”

Hutch gave no response as he continued fixing the coffee.

“Ya know…I can be a real bastard sometimes.”

“Uh huh” Hutch agreed.

“You must really love me to put up with all my shit.”

“Yep.”

“You’re gonna make me work for this one, aren’t you?”

“Uh huh.”

Starsky sighed. “If I promise not to yell...or throw anything, do you think we could sit down and talk?”

Hutch turned to see his partner standing dejectedly in the bedroom doorway, the previous anger and defiance missing from his expression. He agreed they had to talk. They had to do something.

“Coffee?”

“Yeah, ok.” Starsky heard the sound of a cup being placed on the table so he moved over and, pulling out a chair, sat down.

“Sugar’s right in front of you. Here’s a spoon.” He took the utensil he felt tap his hand.

“Thanks," he said quietly as he concentrated on adding the sugar to the coffee without making a mess. He heard Hutch sit down across the table from him. He continued to stir his coffee while he gathered his thoughts. Finally he put the spoon down then wrapped his hands around the cup, needing something to hold on to.

“I’m sorry about the things I said. I didn’t mean any of it. I guess I’ve just have been moping, or sulking or…or just plain feelin’ sorry for myself. It was stupid, but I’d like to explain, ok?”

“OK.”

“I know that day in the hospital, when I realized…realized I couldn’t see. I promised you that I’d fight this, that I wouldn’t let this…this blindness beat me. I meant it, Hutch….I really did. But then reality started to set in. I started learnin’, real fast, all the things I **couldn’t** do. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t drive. Hell, even in the hospital, it was like I couldn’t even walk around the room without bangin’ into somethin’ or knockin’ somthin’ over.”

“Didn’t that therapist, what was her name?   Patsy! Didn’t Patsy work with you?”

“Yeah, she was a good kid. She tried showin’ me different things but…but I just fought her. I don’t know… it…it made me feel stupid.” Starsky took a sip of his coffee. “The day I came home from the hospital, remember….no underwear?”

“Yeah.”

“I was getting dressed…I insisted that the nurses didn’t have to help me, that I could do it myself. And I did…all except the underwear. I couldn’t get ‘em on! I tried sittin’ down and putting them on, I tried standin’ up…but no matter what I tried, I couldn’t do it. I kept trippin’ around and fallin’ over. I didn’t know about that ‘balance’ thing you told me. But I had so much trouble putting them on I…I got frustrated and just…gave up.”

“You should have told me, Starsk, I would’ve helped.”

“I know that. I knew that then, too. But I felt so helpless. So…stupid. And I hated it.” He continued to move the cup around in his hands. “Then I did something I promised you I wouldn’t…I began to shut you out. I’m sorry about that, too. It’s just, well…I was scared. Everywhere I turned there were just more and more things I couldn’t do. And I got angry…and you were always there, trying to help me…and I felt stupid.   And I took all that anger, all my fear, out on you.   I’m so, so sorry, babe.”

Starsky reached his hand across the table, hoping, praying that Hutch would take it. When he felt the other man’s hand slide into his, he knew he’d been forgiven.

“I get that you’re scared, Starsk. I am, too. I’m scared you’re going to hurt yourself, bang into something or trip on something or burn yourself or cut yourself. But I know I can’t always protect you, that I have to let you do things for yourself. And you’re not stupid. Not because you can’t do all the things you used to do. A lot of those things, well, you just have to learn a new way to do them. That’s what the therapy sessions will help you do.”

“Your right, I know you are.” He took another sip of his coffee. “I will go to that appointment you made. When is it?”

“Tomorrow. 10:00 am.”

“OK…I’ll be there. If you’ll take me, that is.”

“I’ll take you.” Hutch agreed.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, sipping their coffee, still holding each other’s hand. Then Starsky put his cup down.

“I didn’t mean what I said, about you being glad that I’m blind.” He squeezed the hand he was holding. “I know you would never want anything like this to happen.”

“No, I wouldn’t. But I wouldn’t blame you if you blamed me. It was all my fault.”

“What?” Hutch, I don’t blame you for this! Why would you think that my blindness is your fault?”

Hutch sat silently, not knowing exactly what to say and not wanting to say it. Then Starsky gently squeezed his hand again. “That whole ‘not shuttin’ you out’ thing works both ways, ya know.”

Hutch nodded and sighed. “I just stood there, Starsk. In the alley, while you were fighting with that guy. I just stood there. I didn’t try to help you. I just stood and watch while he beat you over the head and…” He choked back the tears this admission caused and waited for his friend’s condemnation.

“And you think you should have stopped him?”

Hutch nodded “yeah.”

“OK, so, let’s work through this.” Starsky put down his cup and reach out to take both of Hutch’s hands in his. “If I remember correctly, while I was fightin’ my guy, you were taking care of the other guy, right? “

“yeah.”

“And about how far down the alley was I from where you were? 50? 75? 100 yards?”

“About 75 yards, I guess.”

“OK, so tell me exactly what happened, just like you wrote up in the report.”

Hutch took a deep breath then let it out. “I got my guy down and put the cuffs on him. I could hear you still tangling with your guy. After my guy was cuffed, I look up at you…and I just stood there…and…and I watched him hit you in the head. I’m sorry, Starsk…so, so sorry.”

“OK, OK, hold on. So you looked up and I was still fightin’ with my guy. Why didn’t you come help me right away?”

“Because I froze….I just stood there…I…”

“Let’s try that one more time,” He shook Hutch’s hands “without the guilt, if you don’t mind.. Why didn’t you come help me right away?”

“You were holding your own. You didn’t need my help.”

“That’s more like it. Now, when did you realize I was in trouble?”

“When I saw him pick up the pipe.”

“And how long was it between the time he picked up the pipe and he hit me with it?”

“Oh, Starsk, I don’t know…”

“Humor me, ok? How long?”

“A couple of seconds, I guess.”

“Could you have made it down the alley to me in that time?

“No. But…I…I could have yelled a warning or something.”

‘OK, let’s go with that. What do you think would have happened if you had yelled a warning?”

“You would have ducked or…or blocked it…or something”

“Let me tell you what **I** think would have happened if you’d yelled a warning.” He squeezed the hands he still held, making sure he had Hutch’s attention. “I think I would have heard you yell and I would have looked up at you. And the guy would still have hit me in the head.”

“What? Why?”

“You were 75 yards away, babe. I would have heard you yell but I don’t think I would have heard **what** you yelled so I would have looked around to find you and…bam.” He paused for a moment, letting his words sink in. “Hutch, there wasn’t anything you could have possibly done to have prevented this from happening. Do you hear me? This was not your fault.” There was silence for a few seconds before Starsky spoke again.

“If you’re nodding, I can’t hear you. And I’d like to hear that you agree with me.”

“Starsk…”

“Do you understand what I said?”

“Yes, I understand. This wasn’t my fault.”

“Fine.   And I want you to keep telling yourself that…until you believe it. Because, no matter what you think, no matter what I’ve said, I have never, never blamed you for this. Never. Got it?”

“Got it. Are we done now?”

“Just one more thing, ok?”

“OK, what?”

“I know I’m not the only one hurtin’ here. I need you to tell me what you’re feelin’.”

As much as he didn’t want to, Hutch knew that he had to be truthful with his partner, to be honest with him.

“I felt like you were pulling away. It was like I was losing you, you know.”

“I do…I understand that now…and you were right.” Starsky sighed. “I closed myself off and shut you out. I swear to you…I swear that I won’t do that again. But I need you to promise me the same thing, babe.”

“I promise.”

“No, I really need you to mean it, Hutch. Remember, I know you. You take all your pain and hurt and hold it all inside and never want to let it out. But we both know, from experience…that’s the way we wind up hurtin’ each other the most. I need you to not do that anymore. I need you to trust me.”

“I do trust you, babe. I trust you with my life.”

“But do you still trust me with your heart?”

Hutch looked into his lovers face. Not at the lifeless eyes but at the always expressive face. Starsky needed this trust, needed this promise, and so did he.

“I promise you, no more secrets. No holding things back, no more trying to protect you from the truth. I promise, babe.”

“One last thing...”

“C’mon, Starsk…”

“I just need to know.”

“OK, What?”

“What do you miss?”

“What?”

“Since this happened, I know there are things that I miss doing. But I’m not the only one recovering here. So I need you to tell me what you miss.”

Hutch sat quietly, considering what to say. The one thing he missed the most is the one thing he could never share with his partner. It was out of his control and it would only hurt him to know and Hutch swore that Starsky would never find out. But there was one thing he could share. “I miss my lover…” he admitted quietly.

“Oh, babe…”

“We haven’t made love since your first day home from the hospital and…well…sometimes you don’t even want me to hold you…and…and…I miss you.”

Starsky got out of his chair and walked around the table, wrapping his arms around the other man. “I’m right here, babe, and I promise I won’t go away again. You have to know that I need you more than I can put into words…and I want you so bad it hurts.”

Hutch stood and turned into his lover’s embrace, taking his lover’s moist lips to his own in a desperate need. All thoughts fled as his lover responded, sending his senses reeling. The kiss became more insistent in response, Starsky’s desire clear.

He release his lover’s lips, raining kiss over Starsky’s face. “I want you…want you so bad.   I want to be inside you…”

“Oh, yeah, babe…I want you…like that.”

They broke apart reluctantly then, taking Starsky’s hand in his, he moved towards the bedroom. When Starsky pulled back, Hutch turned. “What?”

“I…I haven’t showered in two days, babe. Ripe doesn’t even begin to describe me right now.”

Hutch laughed as he continued into the bedroom. “I think we can take care of that first.”

As they entered the bedroom, Hutch began stripping off his clothes. “You need help getting undressed?”

“No, I’ve got it.”

“OK. Come in when you’re ready.”

“Right” Starsky replied as he heard Hutch enter the bathroom and the sounds of the shower being turned on. Removing his clothes and bundling them up in his arms, he moved to join his partner.

“Ya may wanna burn these.” he suggested, holding the pile of clothes at arm’s length.

“You may be right.” Hutch took the clothes and threw them into the hamper then took Starsky’s hand, guiding him into the shower.

Hutch followed immediately, maneuvering them around until Starsky was in front of him, with Hutch’s body blocking the spray. Within seconds he was running soapy hands over the well-toned body, down his back, through the dark chest hair, both cleansing and caressing, moving lower over ridged stomach muscles and through the curls surrounding a rapidly hardening cock.

Meanwhile Starsky was doing his own exploring over similar but different terrain. Where he was hairy, Hutch was smooth. Strong, hardened muscles reflected his own. The hair he did encounter was smooth, silky, so unlike his own. His fingers combed through it, causing Hutch to moan as his fingers wrapped around the large, rigid organ.

“I have been neglecting you, haven’t I?” he whispered against Hutch’s cheek.

“Starsk…I…”

“Shhhh, it’s ok.” Wrapping his arms around the taller man, he brought the blond head down to rest on his shoulder. “We have any stuff in here?

“There’s…there’s baby oil on the shelf but…”

“Get it for me.” His voice, though soft, was nevertheless a command and Hutch obeyed, guiding Starsky’s hand to the shelf on the wall.

He gathered a large amount of oil in his one hand and began liberally applying it to his lover’s straining cock while his other hand returned the plastic bottle to the shelf. Caressing the blond head on his shoulder, he continued stroking the massive erection.

“Do me, lover…right here, right now.”

Hutch moaned as Starsky turned and leaned his hands against the wall, spreading his legs. Hutch ran his hands over his lover’s arms, across the muscled chest, tormenting the already erect nipples with one hand while the other traveled down to grasp his rigid sex.

“Do it, babe…do it…”

Placing a kiss on his lover’s shoulder, Hutch lined his cock up with his lover’s opening and, without any further preparation, pushed in slowly, evenly, past the resistance, until he felt the press of ass against his balls.

“ooohhhh…”

“You ok?” Hutch gasped, fighting the urge to move.

“Good...’m good…but I’ll be better when you move.”

Running his hands up Starsky’s arms, he anchored their hands against the wet wall and began pumping in earnest, thrusting with abandon.

Feeling his climax rapidly approaching, he wrapped a hand around his lover’s cock and began stroking in time with his thrusts, determined to bring them both to completion.

“Oh, yeah…good…so good…yes…oh, yes…YES!”   Starsky yelled his completion, come splashing against the shower tiles, as Hutch released his own essence deep inside his lover, locking his trembling knees as he tried to stay upright.

Uncounted moments passed until a breathless plea of “Gotta move, babe.” had Hutch withdrawing his still semi-hard cock from his lover’s body.

Turning his lover in his arms, Hutch was surprised as his mouth was taken in a devastating kiss, lips ravishing his, while an agile tongue sought out and claimed the sensitive terrain of his mouth. Gasping for breath, he stepped back, anchoring them both.

“Let’s finish up in here…’

“…and get horizontal out there?”

“Sounds like a plan to me.”

Both men finished washing and rinsing then stepped out of the shower, Hutch handing a towel to Starsky as he grabbed one of his own. Drying bodies and hair as much as possible, they moved into the bedroom, Hutch leading his partner to the bed. He watched as Starsky positioned himself to the middle of the bed, lying on his back, one hand behind his head, the other slowly stroking his recovering cock.

“See anything ya like, big boy?”

Hutch crawled onto the bed, slowly making his way up the reclining body. “Oh, yeah…I see a lot that I like…and I plan on taking what I like…starting with this.”

He lowered his head and felt a hand on the back of his head, drawing him down to the waiting lips. Soft and pliant, they opened to him, filled with desire. Hutch feasted for a moment then glided his lips across his lover’s cheek, stopping when he encountered the rough, two-day growth.

“I’ll take it off later…I promise…just…don’t stop.”

Hutch chuckled as he moved to nibble on Starsky’s ear, running his tongue inside the shell, sucking on the soft skin just behind.

He moved lower, kissing down his neck, across the furred chest to a swollen nipple, licking then nipping, eliciting a moan from his pliant partner then continued on, kissing his way across until he found its already hardened partner.

He slid lower, working his lips and tongue over the flexing muscles, feeling Starsky's now fully engorged cock slide against his chest. Wrapping one hand around the thick base, he moved back to place a kiss on the weeping tip, running his tongue around the darkening crown as his other hand slid down, gently gliding over the tender skin of the perineum seeking and finding the opening, relaxed from their previous encounter. He pushed two finger inside with ease.

“Don’t need it, babe,” Starsky moaned ”Just do it”

Placing another kiss on those enticing lips, Hutch moved down between his lover’s parted thighs. Lifting Starsky’s legs onto his shoulders, Hutch lined his straining cock up with the waiting opening and slid in, slowly, smoothly in one even movement.

“oohhhhh…Welcome back.”

Hutch chuckled, pulling out as slowly as he’d entered “I don’t think you want me laughing at a time like this.”

“I don’t know…it could be interesting.”

“I’ll…show you interesting.” he threatened as he slammed back in, thrusting intensely. Holding onto his lover’s legs, he set a steady, even pace that he knew would have his lover reaching completion for the second time in less than an hour.

”Yes…yes…love you…oh god…love you…” Starsky chanted with each thrust. “Almost there…oh…harder.”

“Your...wish...is…my…command…” Hutch chanted in time with his thrusts, changing his angle, adjusting to guarantee that his cock would find that special place.

“Yes…yes…yes…”

Pounding into his lover, he straightened and looked down…and came face to face with his biggest loss, the one thing he couldn’t, wouldn’t ever tell this man.

Because how do you tell the one person you loved the most in the world, the one person who was your everything, that looking into his deep blue eyes…eyes that have pierced you with their intensity, have sparkled with excitement, have danced with laughter… eyes that now stared out, sightless, lifeless…that looking into those eyes now tore out a piece of your heart.

“Hutch…babe?” Starsky reach out, touching Hutch’s arm, bringing him back to the present. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s OK, babe. Here.” He reach to take both his lovers hands, entwining their fingers, anchoring them together as he began thrusting again, hitting that spot on almost every push, pounding, propelling them both to the most exquisite of completions.

And Starsky would never know that his lover reached that completion with his eyes closed, tears streaming down his face, mourning the loss of those beautiful, expressive eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hutch entered The Pits, stopping for a moment while his eyes adjusted from the bright sunshine outside. He moved to the far end of the bar and sat, nodding as Huggy noticed him.

“How is it, my blond brother?” Huggy placed a beer in front of Hutch, leaning his elbows on the bar. “Long time no see.”

“I’m doing good, Hug.” Hutch smiled, taking a sip of the beer.

Huggy momentarily studied the man before him. “Well, you’re **definitely** lookin’ better than the last time I saw you.”

“Yeah,” Hutch agreed, looking down as he moved the glass across the bar, spreading the ring of condensation.

“And where is your better half?”

Hutch looked up from his beer. “He’s attending his third session at the California Educational Center for the Blind.”

Huggy looked at him in shock. “You got him to go to the Rehab Center? What did you do? Bribe him?”

Hutch chuckled at the idea. “No, Hug. Starsky and I, we had a long talk, laid a lot of things on the table. We worked a lot of things out and now I think we’re both on the same page.”

“You know you two are better together than apart, my friend…like two halves of the same whole.”

“Truer word were never spoken, Hug.” Hutch tip his glass then took a sip. “He accepts that taking the Occupational Therapy classes was NOT giving up but just a way of making things easier until he…until his sight comes back”

“And what are the chances of that happenin’? Really?”

Hutch shrugged. “They told us the longer it last, the less likely it is to come back but…” he shrugged again “We keep hoping.”

“Well, if I know Starsky, he ain’t gonna stop fightin’.”

“Yeah, he just had to be reminded of that. And there are things he’s still working on, like seeing his friends.”

“I was gonna ask about that. You know, I haven’t seen him since the hospital.”

“I know. Like I said, he’s still working on the people thing.” Hutch checked his watch then downed the remainder of his beer. “Look, I have to go pick him up. Let me see if I can talk him into comin’ back here for lunch.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Huggy smiled as Hutch stood to go. “And, Hutch…”

Hutch turned back to his friend.

“If he isn’t ready…just tell Curly that…well…”

Hutch leaned across the bar, placing a hand on Huggy’s arm. “I’ll tell him, Hug. I’ll tell him.”

Huggy nodded as Hutch walked out of the bar.

*****

It was about an hour later when Huggy looked up from his space behind the bar to see Starsky come through the door, followed closely by Hutch. At Hutch’s smile and nod, Huggy came out from behind the bar to greet the men.

“Well, looky here. If it isn’t my favorite Dynamic Duo!” When he placed a hand on Starsky’s arm, Starsky pulled him into an embrace.

“It’s good to be here, Hug.” Starsky said, stepping back. “I’m sorry…sorry it took so long but…”

“Everything in its own time, my brother. Everything in its own time.” He looked back to Hutch then indicated the back booth. “So, are you here just for the titillating conversion or do you plan to partake of my exquisite cuisine?”

“How about a little bit of both?” Hutch smiled as he directed his partner to the booth. “Let’s start with beer.”

“Two beers, coming right up.”

As they got settled in the booth, sitting across the table from each other, Huggy came back with their drinks. “Two beers, as requested.” He placed the tall glasses on the table, Hutch sliding one glass over until it rested in Starsky’s hand.

“May I interest you gentlemen in today’s special?”

“And what is today’s special?” Hutch inquired.

“Same as every day’s special. Burgers.” Starsky quipped.

“I’ll have you chumps know that today’s special has just a little something extra, an added attraction to tantalize the palate.”

“OK, Huggy. What is today’s special?”

“Cheeseburgers, my friend, Cheeseburgers.”

Hutch chuckled as Starsky just shook his head. “Fine, Hug. We’ll have two ‘specials.”

“Two specials comin’ right up.” Huggy headed towards the kitchen.

“This tastes good.” Starsky commented as he set his half empty glass down on the table.

“It has been a while.” Hutch conceded. “So, tell me, how did it go today?”

“Good. It went good. Ya can’t imagine the number of ways…” As he spoke, he moved his hand, sending his beer glass off the end of the table, crashing to the floor.

“Oh, shit. Oh, shit.” Starsky began to stand, panicked, until Hutch grabbed both of his hands.

“It’s ok, buddy. Relax. Everything’s ok.”

“Are they all lookin’?” he whispered, head bowed.

“No, pal. Nobody’s looking.” Hutch assured him, as he glared at the few gawking patrons at the bar. “They didn’t even notice.”

“I got this.” Huggy said, coming back to the table.

“I’m sorry, Hug. I just…”

“No problem, Curly. I never liked that glass anyway.”

Starsky snickered. “Just that one glass?”

“Yeah. I think it was trying to get all the other glasses to mutiny.” Huggy laughed as he swept up the broken pieces and deposited them in the trash. A moment later he returned, setting a mug in front of his friend. “This may be more to your liking.”

As Starsky picked up the mug and took a sip, Huggy heard his name being shouted from the bar. “Duty calls, my friends.” As he turned away from the table, the waitress arrived, placing a plate of food in front of each man.

“Thanks, Ginny.” Hutch said as Starsky felt around for his plate, moving it to be in front of him. “So, you never did tell me what you learned today.”

“Well,” Starsky said, holding onto his plate. “Today we learned about eatin’, findin’ the food on your plate, stuff like that. Here, I’ll show ya.” He sat a bit straighter. “Picture that the plate is a clock, ya know, the top is twelve, the bottom is six.”

“OK, I’ve got it.”

“Well, you have to tell me where everything is on the plate. Then I can find it.”

“Sure. OK, the burger is at three o’clock…”

“OK.”

“The fries are on the left, uh, at nine o’clock and right at the top, at twelve o’clock, is the pickle.”

“Great.”

Hutch watched as Starsky slowly located the burger and took a bite then placed it back on the plate, a triumphant smile on his face. “You want ketchup on your fries?”

“Yeah. Let me do it.” He reached out for the bottle, taking it as Hutch placed it in his hand. Locating the fries on his plate, he shook the ketchup bottle, coating his fries. Handing the bottle back to his partner, he smiled proudly. “There. I did it. All by myself”

“Yes, you did, buddy.” Hutch said cheerily, as he quietly wipe a line of ketchup off the table. “You did it all on your own.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Additional sessions at the Rehab Center helped to improve Starsky’s attitude, the ability to do things for himself putting him in a better frame of mind. Still, there were moments…

Hutch ran out of the bathroom at the crashing sound of shattering glass to find his partner standing in the kitchen, arms out to his sides, surrounded by the fragmented shards.

“Shit! Shit! SHIT!” Starsky shouted, beginning to step away.

“Don’t move!” Hutch shouted. “There’s glass all around your feet.” He walked over, reaching out to take his partner’s hand, leading him around and out of the debris until Starsky stood in front of him. He grabbed Starsky’s arms, inspecting his hands. “Are you cut anywhere? Are you hurt?”

“No, I’m not hurt.” He shrugged out of Hutch’s grasp. “I’m pissed. Damn it!”

“Hey, calm down.” Hutch ran his hands up and down his partner’s arm, slowly pulling him closer. “Tell me what happened.”

Starsky let out a sigh, allowing Hutch to pull him close. “I got hungry and you were busy so I decided to make a bowl of cereal.”

“Cereal for lunch?”

“Yeah. So I got the bowl and the cereal from the cabinets, filled the bowl, no problem. Then I got the milk outta the fridge and managed to pour it on the cereal without spillin’ a drop.”

“OK,” Hutch was running his hands lightly over Starsky’s back, trying to relax his partner.

 “But when I put the milk bottle down, I guess I misjudged where the counter was. I felt it begin to fall and I tried to catch it and knocked the bowl on the floor and…”

“It’s ok, buddy. No harm done.”

“Yeah, but now you got a big mess to clean up.”

Hutch chuckled. “No problem, babe. I’ve been cleaning up your messes for years now.”

Starsky sighed as he put his head on Hutch’s shoulder, giving in to his partner’s embrace. “I feel like an idiot.”

“Hey, you were doing fine until you misjudged the counter. Baby steps, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah. Baby steps.” Starsky stepped back, Hutch’s hands resting on his shoulders. “But I’m still hungry.”

“I’ll tell you what. Let me clean this up then we’ll go to that pizza place you like, down by the beach. How does that sound?”

“Alright. But I was lookin’ forward to that bowl of cereal.”

“Trust me, buddy. You wouldn’t have liked it.”

“Why not?”

“That wasn’t milk. It was orange juice.”

Starsky brought his hand to his face, sniffing the liquid that had splashed there and chuckled. The chuckle turned into a hearty laughter as both men gave in to the humor of the situation.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Starsky sat at the table, listening to the sounds of his partner cleaning up in the kitchen. Lunch had been good, even if Hutch forced him to eat healthy. In the month since he got out of the hospital, he even started to enjoy the ‘healthy’ meals…not that he’d every admit that to Hutch. But this had been a quiet meal, defying his every attempt to get more than one-word answers out of Hutch.

Something was on his lover’s mind and Starsky was determined to find out what it was.

“What time’s Huggy comin’ over?”

“Around five,” Hutch answered, not pausing in his cleaning.

“Then we got time then.”

“Time for what?”

Rising from the table, he made his way over to Hutch, wrapping his arms around his partner’s waist from behind and place a kiss on his neck. “Can we sit down and talk for a minute?”

“Sure, babe.’ Hutch wiped his wet hands on a towel then took Starsky’s hand, led him to the sofa and sat down as the other man did the same. Starsky reach out his hand, placing it gently on the side of Hutch’s face.

“What’s wrong, Starsk?”

“You tell me. You’ve been walking around for the past coupla days soundin’ like you’re carryin’ the weight of the world on your shoulders and it’s only gettin’ heavier.”

Hutch tried to lower his head but the hand on his face prevented him.

“Right after I got outta the hospital, we promised each other we wouldn’t keep any secrets, that we’d tell each other what we were feelin’…good or bad. Remember?”

“Yeah,” Hutch nodded slowly, covering the hand on his face with his own. “I remember.”

“So I’m asking you, what’s wrong” Starsky asked quietly.

“Nothing’s wrong. It’s just…”

Starsky ran his hand lightly over Hutch’s face, feeling the sadness displayed there. “I don’t need my eyes to see that something is bothering you, something big. C’mon, babe. Truth time.”

“It’s just…I can’t…” Hutch stopped, not quite sure where to start.

“Hey,” Starsky said gently “Whatever it is, we face it together, right?   Right?”

“Right. Together.” Hutch took a deep breath and let it out, gaining strength from his lover’s support. “I don’t want to do this anymore, Starsk.”

A moment of silence followed until Starsky quietly spoke. “You wanna clarify that bit, babe ‘cus I’m gettin’ a little scared here.”

“What?” Hutch played his word back in his head, hearing them from his partner’s point of view. “No! Oh, no….not us, not you.” Hutch leaned over and kissed his lover. “Forever, remember?”

“OK,” Starsky sighed in relief. “Then what is it you don’t want to do anymore?”

“Be a cop. I don’t want to be a cop anymore.”

“I thought we weren’t giving up hope here. Even the doctor said my sight could still come back.”

“I’m not giving up hope. This has nothing to do with your eyes. Even if your sight came back tomorrow and you got reinstated as my partner…I…I don’t want to be a cop anymore.” He let go of Starsky’s hands, standing up to begin pacing. “This has been coming for a long time, Starsk. You know that. Before Gunther, before Kira, even before Lionel.” Hutch shook his head and sat back down, taking hold of his partner’s hands again. “I’m just so tired of it, Starsk. I just can’t do it.”

“OK.”

“OK?” Hutch was surprised. “That’s all you got to say?”

“OK. So what do you want to do?”

“I…I don’t know…but…”

“Look, Hutch. We’re partners. Nobody knows either of us better than we know each other. And you’re right. I know this has been coming for a long time. And I’ve been right there with you. If it hadn’t been for Gunther, I think we would have left the force over a year ago.”

“But after the shooting, all you talked about was getting reinstated, getting back on the street.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But that had more to do with Gunther than me wanting to be a cop again. If I had left the force then, it would have felt like he won, ya know? I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t let him take anything more from me than he already had.”

“And now?”

“Now I’m ready for something else. Look, let’s be realistic. My sight may never come back,” He felt Hutch stiffen, ready to argue. “Hey… I’m not giving up hope here, either. But we don’t know when my sight is going to come back. And, until it does, we have to come up with something we both can do, something we both want to do. OK?”

“Yeah…yeah. OK.” Hutch took a deep breath and shook his head. “I thought you were going to fight me on this.

Starsky smiled as he ran his hand over Hutch face again. “How could I fight you on something that makes you smile like this?   So, you gonna hand in your resignation tomorrow?”

“No, not yet. I still have a few weeks of leave. I want to use that up before we say goodbye to my paycheck.”

“Well, we’ve got my disability checks. It may not be much but, ‘cus I got injured on the job, it’s a lifetime payment.”

“And we’ve got both our savings.   And…” Hutch stopped, afraid Starsky wouldn’t like what he was going to say.

“And? Go on, say it.”

Hutch sighed. “And we have my trust fund.”

Starsky sat silent for a moment as Hutch watched. “Look, babe. You know our life has never been about your family’s money. You had your reasons for never wanting to touch that trust fund and I fully supported you, because that was what YOU wanted. Now, if you want to take that money, I’ll support you on that, too. It’s about what you want, lover.”

“I was worried you’d think I was caving in.”

“You’re grandfather left you that money because he loved you and he wanted you to have it, to do something with it to make your life better, to make yourself happy. I got no problem with that.”

Hutch smiled. “And I know just what I want to do with some of it, if you agree, of course.”

“Yeah? And what is that?”

“If you agree...” Hutch paused, then continued, excitement in his voice. “I want us to buy a house on the beach.”

“I like the beach” Starsky nodded.

“We can start looking tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow? What about now?”

“Now, I think, I have to put you to bed for a while.”

“Bed? But I’m not tired. And if I sleep now, I’ll never sleep tonight.”

Hutch smiled as he stood, pulling Starsky to his feet, leading him towards the bedroom. “Did I say anything about sleeping?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hey, Starsk?” Hutch called out as he entered the apartment.

“Yeah?” came the reply as Starsky came out of the bedroom.

“Come over here. I think I found our house.” Hutch waited as Starsky made his way to the sofa. “At least I found something I think we should look at.”

“Yeah?   Where?” Starsky asked, as he sat, letting Hutch take his hand.

“Just north of my old apartment.”

“Near Venice? I didn’t think your trust fund was that big.”

Hutch chuckled as he shook his head. “We can get into the size of the trust fund later. But let me tell you about it.”

“OK, tell me.”

“You know Demarco…Tony Demarco?”

“Sergeant down in Arson?”

“Yeah.   His aunt and uncle have a house right on the beach. His uncle died last year and his aunt moved in with her sister in San Diego. So he’s trying to sell the house for her. It’s in pretty good shape but it needs a little work, to bring it up to date, ya know.”

“Yeah. Anything you can’t handle?”

“What happened to ‘we’, partner?”

“Yeah, well…” Starsky slowly pulled his hand out of Hutch’s. “It’s not like your gonna let me handle a nail gun, is it?”

Hutch laughed. “I wouldn’t let you handle a nail gun when you COULD see!”

“That’s cold, Hutch…really cold.”

Hutch shifted on the sofa, putting his arm around Starsky’s shoulders. “But you can scrape wallpaper or rip up old carpeting just as well as I can.”

“Yeah, I can do that.” Starsky replied, snuggling down into the embrace.

“It has a porch that faces the ocean, its right on the beach and the nearest neighbor is about a half a mile away.”

“So your goin’ for the ‘seclusion’ thing?”

“We can live together, in our own home and not have to hide our relationship anymore.”

“That sounds perfect.”

“I’ll call Tony tomorrow and let him know we’re interested, set up a time to go look at the place.”

“A house of our own. Just you and me.”

“Yeah...just you and me.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“So, what are you goin’ to be doin’ while I’m learning how not to bang into walls and trip over the furniture?” Starsky asked cheerfully from the passenger seat.

“First stop is the precinct, to pick up the retirement paperwork.” Hutch responded as he navigated through traffic. “My leave is up next week so I want to get the forms completed and turned in.”

“Have you told Cap’n Dobey yet?”

“No, although I think he suspects. I have a meeting with him in thirty minutes to tell him, then I’ll get the papers.”

“That’s gonna be a hard conversation.”

“Yeah,” Hutch responded sadly, turning into the parking lot to the therapy center. “He’s been a good friend. This won’t be easy.”

“Hey, just pull up to the curb. You don’t have to walk me in.”

Hutch stopped the car. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” Starsky turned to smile at his partner. “You’ve got a tough meeting to get to. Besides, I’ve gotta start using some of these things I’ve been learnin’.”

Hutch moved the car slowly, pulling up to the entrance. “OK, if you insist.”

“I insist.” Starsky opened the car door, starting to climb out. “I gotta start being more self-reliant. I can’t always have you doing everything for me.”

Hutch put his hand on Starsky’s arm, stopping him. “But I like doing things for you.”

Starsky finished getting out of the car, then turned and leaned in, facing his lover. “And I like you doin’ things for me. But I want you to be doin’ those things because you want to, not because you have to. Now, tell me where I am and where I’m goin.”

Hutch chuckled and shook his head. “Ok, you win. With your back to the car, the door is straight ahead about…twenty paces.”

Starsky closed the car door and stood straight, putting his back to the car. “Twenty-three steps, to be exact. I counted them before.”

“You’re right, twenty-three. And don’t forget, I’ll pick you up after your session and we’ll go look at Tony’s aunt’s house.”

”It’s a date, blondie.” Starsky took a deep, calming breath then let it out. “Here goes nothin’.”

Hutch watched his partner as he moved steadily towards the building, the white cane gently sweeping in front of him as he’d been taught, displaying a confidence that Hutch knew his partner didn’t feel. He counted the steps, as he imagined his partner was doing. At twenty-three, he saw the tip of the cane tap the door and Starsky reach out, almost surprised to find the door with his hand. With the familiar bounce in his step, he watched Starsky enter the building. He pulled away from the curb, heading to a meeting that he did and didn’t want to have.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Good morning, Dave.” Katie Grayson, occupational therapist, watched proudly as her patient entered the building unassisted.

“Katie, pretty lady! What are you doin’ out here?” Starsky was thankful he hadn’t stumbled, now that he knew he’d had an audience.

“I was over talking to Margaret, the pre-school counselor, and, when I was done, I realized it was almost time for your session so I thought I’d wait here for you.”

She took Starsky’s arm and began leading him toward her therapy room.

“Pre-school?” Starsky stopped, bringing them both to a halt. “You got little kids here?”

“Yes.”

“Little blind kids?”

“Yes, Dave.” She replied, patiently. “We have therapy and counseling for the blind of all ages. We also run a day-care center for preschoolers…four and five year olds. They have so many more challenges than sighted children, so much more to learn just to get by.”

“Can you show me?

“Sure,” Katie said as she turned them down a different hallway “But why?”

“I just...I don’t know...I…” he stammered, not knowing how to put his feelings into words.

“That’s ok, here we are.” He heard the sound of a door opening, followed by a swell of children’s voices, laughing and playing.

“They sound…happy,” he said, sounding surprised.

“Of course they’re happy, Dave. They’re children.”

“But they’re blind!”

“And to them, it’s just another challenge they have to work thru, not the defining factor in their lives. We help them learn what they can do and how to work around the things they can’t do so they can live their lives the best they can, just like any other child.” Katie led him into the room. “Come on, let me introduce you.”

She closed the door behind her as they stepped into the room. “Good Morning, children.”

“Good morning, Miss Katie.” replied the group in unison.

She nodded to acknowledge Margaret, the counselor then continued. “I have a friend here who would like to meet you. This is Dave.”

“Hello, Dave.” The group chanted.

Starsky knelt down, wanting to be at their level. “Hello, kids.”

“How do you know Miss Katie?” a little girl asked.

He sat on the floor as he replied. “What is your name?”

“Sally.”

“Well, Sally, Miss Katie is my therapist. She is teaching me all sorts a things.”

“Are you blind, too?” a boy’s voice asked.

“Yes, I am. And what’s your name?”

“My name is Robbie. I had a tumor in my head and they gave me an operation and took it out and now I can’t see.”

“My name is Stevie,” came a different voice. “I was born wi’out eyes, so I always been blind.”

“I have eyes,” Sally chimed in, “but they never worked. How did you get blind, Dave?”

“Well, I was in a fight and got hit on the head really hard…and now I can’t see.”

“My momma said you shouldn’t fight.” Sally said, a bit of admonishment in her voice.

Starsky reached out, running his hand over the long curls on her head. “That’s right. You shouldn’t fight unless it’s absolutely necessary.”

“Was it abs’lutly ne’ssary, Dave?”

“Yes, Sally, it was. See, I used to be a police officer and I was chasing a bad guy and when I caught him, he started hitting me. I had to fight back to protect myself and my partner.”

“You were a policeman?!?” the voice he recognized as Robbie asked excitedly. “Tell us, please, please, please?”

“OK, ok,” Starsky laughed, feeling the kids gathering around him. ‘But first, you have to tell me all’a your names.”

Katie, forgotten in the excitement, smiled as she watch the children gathered around Dave, introducing themselves and settling in for some stories. She nodded at Margaret and left the room, pulling the door closed behind her. She had a feeling that Dave’s personal therapy session was going to be proponed for today.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Captain Dobey signed the report, placed in his OUT basket then checked his watch.  In less than five minutes, he was meeting with one half of the best team of detectives that he ever had the pleasure to work with.  And, sadly, he had a good idea what the meeting was about. 

With Starsky out, Hutch was currently on leave.  _“If he comes back…..and that was a big “IF”, he’ll need a new partner.”_   

Dobey knew, with certainty, that Hutch would never be comfortable with a new partner.  The way he and Starsky worked together was…uncanny.  And he knew his detective wouldn’t settle for anything less than that perfect match.  Unfortunately, that perfect match was now disabled, maybe permanently. 

Maybe Hutch would try for Lieutenant.  _“He’d make a good one,”_ Dobey thought.  But would he be happy with that, with Starsky not at his side?

There was a knock at his door.  “ _Well, I guess I’ll find out.”_ He thought with a sigh.  “Come in,” he shouted, steeling himself for this conversation.

The door opened and Hutch stuck his head in.  ”Captain…?”

“Get in here and close the door.”

Hutch closed the door behind him and took a seat. Before he could say anything, Dobey asked “How’s Dave?”

“Dave?” Hutch smiled.  “Don’t let Starsky here you call him that.  He might think you were worried.”

Dobey chuckled at the running joke.  “OK, ok. How’s Starsky?”

“He’s doing good, Captain.  He has his good days and his bad days but they’re getting to be mostly good.”

“What’s he up to now?”

”Right now he’s the Rehab Center, getting his Occupational Therapy. Or, as he puts it ‘learning how to not walk into walls and trip over furniture’.”

“And you?   How are you doing, son?”

Hutch smiled at the endearment.  Over the years the Captain Dobey had become more than their boss, and even more than a friend.  He and Starsky had been accepted in as part of the family “ I’m doing good, too.”

“Well, I have to say you’re looking better than the last time I saw you.  Happier.  What’s changed?”

“I’ve made a decision, Captain…and I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed.”

“Son, you have to do what is right for you.”  Dobey paused then added  “You’re leaving the force, aren’t you?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And what does your partner think about that?”

“We’ve talked about this and he agrees.  Captain, this isn’t about Starsky’s injury. That was just the…the straw that broke the camel’s back.  We’ve both been unhappy for a long time, maybe me more than Starsky but…”

“And you didn’t leave after the Gunther shooting because?”

“Starsky couldn’t let Gunther win, Cap…he had something to prove to himself and to all the scum out there. And I had to be there to back him up.”

Dobey nodded his understanding.  “I get it, I really do.  I just…I just hate to lose my best team, ya know?” Hutch nodded  “But, then again, I’ve already lost that team, haven’t I?”

“I’m afraid so, sir.”

“Do you have the papers?”

“No. I wanted to talk to you first.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” Dobey’s tone turned to business.  “When you get all the paperwork filled out, bring it in.  I’ll go over it all, sign off and hand deliver them to Personnel myself.”

“I’ll do that, sir.” Hutch replied as he stood, extending his hand to his friend.  “Thank you again, Captain.  I was concerned…”

“Nothing to be concerned about.” Dobey shook the extended hand.  “And it’s not like we’re never gonna see each other.  I expected you and Starsky over for dinner…Sunday…this Sunday…be there!”

“Yes, sir.  We’ll be there.”  Hutch opened the office door then paused.  “But, Captain, be careful with the name thing, ok?”

“Get out!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hello, Katie.” Hutch said, as he walked into the Occupational Therapy room about two hours later

Katie looked up from her desk “Hello, Detective Hutchinson.”

“Uh, uh, uh, Katie.” Hutch smiled, shaking his head. “I’ve told you before, it’s Ken. Or Hutch.”

“OK, Ken.” Katie smiled in return as she filed a paper into a folder and put the folder in the desk.

“I came to pick up my partner but, ” Hutch looked around the room “I don’t see him. Did he finish his session early or something?”

Katie stood and took Hutch by the arm, leading him out of the room. “Well, Dave missed his session today.”

Hutch stopped and looked at Katie, beginning to panic. “Missed his session? But I watched him come into the building this morning. What happened?”

“Calm down. Nothing happened” Katie said with a smile, gently leading him along again. “He just found a… different kind of therapy session today.”

They stopped in front of a door and Katie encouraged Hutch to look in through the window. Hutch peered in, to see his partner on his hands and knees, two small children on his back, doing a fair imitation of a bucking bronco. He continued to watch as the ‘horse’ collapsed and was swarmed by three additional kids, all of them laughing.

“I don’t understand,” he said, turning back to Katie.

“I don’t think Dave realized that we had the daycare center here. When he found out, he just had to meet the kids. When I introduced them, well...the kids took to him immediately. And, to be honest, I saw an amazing change come over Dave.”

“They’re of the same age, mentally.” Hutch laughed, looking back into the room. After a moment, he became wistful. “I…I never thought I’d see him smile like that, show that kind of joy…ever again.”

“That’s what I meant…a different kind of therapy.” Katie opened the door. “Let’s go meet them.”

Raucous laughter hit him as they entered the room. “Is there a riot going on in here?” He shouted over the noise.

“Cheeze it, kids, it’s the coppers” Starsky said in a loud whisper, gathering all of the kids to him.

“What, exactly, is going on here?” Hutch asked in his best ‘cop’ voice.

“My friends and I was just havin’ a good time, Detective.” Starsky said, laughing. “Kids, this is my partner, Detective Ken.”

“Hello, Detective Ken.’ replied the chorus.

“He sounds tall.” Sally whispered loudly to her new friend.

“He is tall, Sally. Very tall.” Starsky grabbed Hutch’s leg, tugging on him. “Come down here so they can meet you, blondie,”

“Why do you call him ‘blondie’?” one of the kids asked.

“Well, Mickey, that’s ‘cus he has blonde hair.” came Starsky’s reply.

“What’s ‘blonde?” Sally asked.

“Yellow.” Hutch answered.

“What’s yellow?” This from Stevie.

“I remember what yellow is…It’s like the sun.” Robbie replied, a smile in his voice.

“The sun’s warm. I like the sun.” Sally said, reaching out in an effort to touch Hutch’s hair. Hutch took her hand and guided it to his head.

“Your hair is soft” Sally smiled. “But its’ not curly, like me and Dave.”

“Well, we all can’t have curls.” Hutch laughed.

Just then a slightly panicked female voice cut across the room. “Sally, what are you doing?”

“Momma!”

“Hey, kitten.” came a male voice.

“Daddy. My momma and daddy are here.” She grabbed each man’s hand, forcing them to their feet. “C’mon.” she said as she pulled them along.

Hutch looked at Sally’s parents, seeing the faces of a frightened woman and deeply concerned man. But before he could introduce himself, Sally took over.

“Momma, Daddy, this is my new friend, Dave.” She held up her hand that was joined to Starsky’s “And this is his partner, Ken.” she held up her other hand. “They’re both policemen.”

“Policemen?” Sally’s father asked, still eyeing both men but a bit less suspiciously.

Hutch let go of Sally’s hand, offering it to her father. “Detective Sergeant Ken Hutchinson, BCPD.   And this…” he pointed to indicate Starsky.

“Detective Sergeant Dave Starsky, retired.” Starsky offered his hand.

“Howard Cole,” He shook Hutch’s hand then released it to shake Starsky’s. “And this is my wife, Helen.”

“Mrs. Cole.” Both men offered their hand to Sally’s mother, which she took individually.

“Dave is r’tired,’ Sally interrupted the introductions “’cus the bad guy hit him in the head and now he’s blind, too. Right, Dave?”

“That’s right, Sally.” Starsky smiled down at the little girl then turned his face to her parents. “Mr. Cole, Mrs. Cole, I apologized if our being here caused you any distress.”

“Well, it was a bit of a shock, seeing two grown men….men that we didn’t know… with the kids.”

“I understand how that may have looked, Mr. Cole” Hutch continued. ”And, like my partner, I’d like to apologize for frightening you.”

“A parent can never be too careful. And its Howard.”

“Thank you, Mr….Howard.” Starsky said. “And you’re right. You can never be too careful with your children. So I want you to know, I come here a couple a times a week for therapy sessions with Katie Grayson.”

“That’s true, Mr. Howard” Katie added in, watching the interaction from across the room.

“But today…” Starsky continued “when I found the kids here…well…let’s just say they’ve given me a lot to think about….a new outlook on things, ya know?”

“I know,” Helen Howard replied. “Sally teaches us both about the important things in life, every day.”

More parents began entering the room and introductions were made, each child shouting ‘good-byes’ as they left, until only Margaret and Katie were left with the two men.

“Thank you, Dave.” Margaret said, placing a hand on his arm. “The kids really had fun with you today.”

“And I had fun with them, too.” Starsky took Hutch’s arm. “Did you see ‘em, Hutch? Weren’t they amazing?”

“Yeah, babe, they were.” Hutch agreed as he studied his partner’s face. The joy and peace he saw there warmed his heart. He covered the hand on his arm and turned to face the two women. “Ladies, it’s been fun but my partner and I have an appointment we have to get to. You both have a great day.”

“You, too, Ken” Katie said, as the men left. “And I’ll see you on Tuesday, Dave.”

“Tuesday.” Starsky agreed, waving his free hand in acknowledgement as he continued down the hall on Hutch’s arm.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Well, here we are.” Hutch said as he pulled onto the property and turned off the engine. “Ready for a walk-thru?”

“Ready.” Starsky smiled at his partner.

“OK, let me come around.’ Hutch got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side, opening the door for the other man.

Starsky got out of the car and stopped, standing still for a moment just listening. “I like the sound of it already.” he said with smile.

Hutch took his partner’s arm, gently leading him. “Let’s start back at the street, so you can get a better idea of the whole layout.”

“OK,” he agreed as Hutch led him across the packed ground until he felt the asphalt under his feet.

Hutch turned them both until Starsky realized they were facing the sound of the waves.

“OK,” Hutch began. “This is the street.”

“Yes,” the dark-haired man laughed “I recognize the street.”

“Dumbass.” Hutch chuckled, then continued. “OK, there is the garage on the left side of the house. It’s big enough for one car and some storage. The driveway is big enough for another car, so we have room for both our cars…your’s inside and mine outside.”

“We can work that out later.” Starsky said in a tone that let Hutch know that they would be discussing that at a later date.

“OK, back to the house. From here, it’s about ten paces to the fence.”

They walked the ten paces together then Starsky put out his hand, feeling the wooden picket fence that surrounded the property.

“Picket fence?” He shook his head with a chuckle. “Don’t tell me…it’s white, isn’t it?”

“We can paint it, if you want.”

‘No,” he said, reaching out to touch his lover’s face. “I like having a white picket fence with you.”

He felt Hutch smile as the head turned, continuing the description. “Once inside the gate, there’s a stone path.   It’s about ten feet to the porch…I don’t know how many steps that is…”

“That’s ok, we’ll figure it out”

“Right.” Hutch nodded. “then there are three steps up to the square porch, which is centered around the front door. I know that’s six steps deep and six steps across and there’s a heavy wood railing all around it.”

“That sounds like enough room to put a couple of chairs, maybe some plants.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought, too.”

“Let’s go…” Starsky pushed open the gate and stepped thru, still holding on his partner’s arm, letting his cane lead the way. “…seven, eight, nine…” he counted until he felt the cane make contact with the bottom step. “Ten. Ten easy paces to the steps. That’s a pretty nice area of front yard.”

“Yeah, it is.” Hutch agreed. “There’s a path on the left that leads from the driveway to the bottom step.” He watched as Starsky ran his cane a bit to the left, feeling for the connecting path. “Right now there’s nothing else here but grass, but we can do a lot of things out here.”

“OK, let’s try the porch.” Starsky smiled as they climbed the three steps, running his hand over the bannister and railing. “Good, solid work here. I like it.” He let go of Hutch’s arm. “Let me do this.”

“OK,” Hutch replied, letting his partner go. “There isn’t anything on the porch at the moment.”

“Good,” Starsky smiled. “I’d hate to trip and break something before we even bought the place.” Starsky paced the porch right, then left then, back at the steps, paced it to the front door. “Nice size. And it feels solid.”

“Tony said they replace the porch and steps about two years ago, right before his uncle got sick.”

“Remind me of the layout inside.” Starsky ran his hand over the front door, wanting to remember the inside layout before he went in.

“OK.” Hutch began his description. “it’s a rectangular footprint. As you step in, you’re in the living room. On the right is space for a sofa and a couple of chairs, a big window in the front wall and a nice size fireplace in the right wall. To the left of the door there is a smaller area, enough for maybe two smaller chairs and a little table in front of a smaller window.”

“Like a little reading area...” Starsky offered.

“Exactly.” Hutch continued “There’s a wall there with a door that leads into a small room…like an office or den…could be a library.” He watched as Starsky nodded as his partner fixed the picture in his head. “Now, back to the front door. You walk past the living room….we’ll have to figure the steps…and there’s a counter that separates the kitchen from the living room. On the other side of the counter… you’re in the big, sit in kitchen.”

“How big is the kitchen?”

“It pretty much mirrors the size of the living room. Mirroring the ‘reading area’ is the laundry room. Full size washer and dryer…I don’t know how old they are so we may have to replace them. The entire back wall of the kitchen is made of sliding glass doors that lead out onto the back porch. The porch runs the entire length of the house…but you’ll see when we walk it.”

“OK. Finish the inside first.”

“OK. Separating the laundry room area from the reading room area is a hallway…”

“On the left?”

“Right.”

“On the right?” Starsky asked, confused.

“No.” Hutch laughed. “You were correct that the hallway is on the left.”

“Oh, OK. Continue.”

“Now we’re going down the hallway. It’s pretty narrow so I don’t think we could put a table or anything in there. On the right, sharing the wall with the laundry room, is a linen closet. Next to that, still on the right, is a small bathroom. There’s a sink, a stall shower and toilet. It’s not big but it’s enough for when we have company. A couple of more paces down the hall, on either side, are the doors to the bedrooms.”

Hutch saw Starsky nod, so he continued. “On the left is the guest room. It faces the front of the house and has a nice window. It’s big enough for a large bed, a dresser, maybe a chair.”

Hutch paused to take a breath. He wanted to give his partner as much information as he could so that Starsky wouldn’t feel lost when he went inside. “On the right of the hallway is our bedroom. It’s bigger than the other room…about that size plus most the size of the den. There is a full connecting bath, with a separate shower and a tub. The bedroom also has sliding glass doors that open out onto the porch. That’s about it.” Hutch turned to face his partner. “It’s a pretty simply layout but I think it’s enough.”

Starsky was silent for a moment, as he fixed the description in his head like a map. Finally he turned to Hutch, kissing him gently. “It sounds perfect to me. Let’s go inside.”

Hutch opened the front door and led them into the house he hope Starsky would like and the home Starsky already knew would be theirs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“So? What do you think?”

They had walked through the entire house, pacing out the rooms, each making suggestions to furniture placement and so on. Now they stood in the sand at the bottom of the steps from the back porch, facing the ocean.

“Its peaceful here,” Starsky quietly offered. “The sound of the ocean is really relaxing.” He turned to face the house. “And the house…this back porch is huge. We could barbeque out here, with full access to the kitchen. And there’s room for a glider AND a hammock if we want. And inside…like you said, it’s a pretty simple layout but, really, it’s everything we need. But...”

“But what?” Hutch put his arms around his lover, turning him so they were face to face.

“Well, there’s everything that I want or need but, what about you?   There’s no garden! What are you going to do with all your leafy children without a garden?”

Hutch smiled as he placed a kiss on the tip of Starsky’s nose. “Follow me,” he said as he took Starsky’s hand and led him around the side of the house that held the kitchen and living room. “This area here would be a perfect vegetable garden. It gets the right amount of sun and the house blocks most of the sea breeze.” He continued leading his lover around to the front of the house, “And this ‘nice area’ of front yard you mentioned earlier will be perfect for my ‘leafy children’.” He looked at Starsky in anticipation. “So? What do you think?”

Starsky cradled Hutch’s face in his hands, sharing a gently kiss. “I love it. It’s everything we could want. Like you, it’s perfect!”

Hutch laughed at the comparison “So, we make Tony an offer?” he asked, just to be sure.

“We give Tony whatever he wants.” Starsky stated. “This is our home, babe.”

“I love you.” Hutch stated, taking Starsky into his arms. “And I love new our home.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Hutch?” Starsky walk out of the bedroom in search of his partner.

“Right here” came the voice from the area of the sofa. Starsky headed in that direction.

“How do I look?”

Hutch looked up from the papers he had strewn all over the coffee table, to see his lover standing with his arms out to his sides, ready for inspection.

“You’re looking fine. Damn fine.”

“Yeah, yeah, just tell me I’m not wearing a purple shirt and green pants, ok?”

Hutch chuckled “You’re in blue and blue, so you’re fine. Besides, you don’t own green pants.”

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t put it past Huggy to slip a pair of his in my closet, just to throw me off.” He heard Hutch laugh. “Is there coffee?”

“Yeah…I just made a fresh pot. Let me get you some.”

“No, I can get it.” Starsky made his way into the kitchen as he waved a hand, signaling him to stay. “Besides, you seem to be involved in somethin’. Wanna share?”

“What do you mean?” 

“All the papers your shuffling all over the table.” Starsky moved slowly, getting a cup, pouring the coffee, adding sugar, all while trying to not to make a mess. Finally, with cup in hand, he made his way to the sofa and sat. “Come on, tell me.”

Hutch moved some of the papers aside and helped guide Starsky to place his cup on the table. “OK, I’ll tell but answer a few questions for me first.”

“OK, shoot.”

“Do you think the people at the Rehab Center do good work?”

“Of course. Look at me. Thanks to them, I can get around on my own. I can shower by myself…although I’d still rather shower with you.” He heard Hutch laugh. “I can get my own coffee.” He held up his cup. “I can even get my own meals, not that you’ll let me work around the stove.”

“Baby steps, Starsk, baby steps.”

“OK. Next question?”

“What do you think about the kids at the Center?”

“Oh my god, babe. They’re amazing They’re so smart…and strong…they face every challenge like its nothin’…just do what has to be done. Ya know, they’ve given me a whole new outlook on this ‘blind’ thing. I could spend every day with them and never get tired of them.”

“I hope you’d say that, because I have an idea.”

“OK, you got me curious now. Spill.”

“Right. Well, after meeting the kids and seeing you interact with them, I got an idea. So I talked to Katie, to get some information.   Then I’ve done some research and, well, there you are.”

“Babe…” Starsky reach out and took Hutch’s hand. “You still haven’t told me what you’re talkin’ about.”

“Oh, yeah…right.” Hutch took a deep breath to calm himself. “I think I’ve found the perfect jobs for us.”

“Jobs? And it involves the kids?”

“If you want it to.   Listen. After watching the way you interacted with those kids, I could picture you working with them. And I thought that working with the other patients would be a fulfilling thing to do. So I talked to Katie to find out what we would need to do to certified.”

“We?” Starsky’s voice contained more than a little doubt.

“Yes, we. I wouldn’t look into anything that we couldn’t do together.”

“OK, go on.”

“With my medical training and both our police experience, we would just need some additional training and to take a few classes and we could become Certified Vision Rehabilitation Therapists.”

“That’s what Katie is.”

“Yeah. So I had a meeting with Adam Abramson. He’s the director of the Center.”

“I know. What did you talk to him about?”

“I wanted to find out if there were any openings at the Center. I told him what I was thinking and how we’d like to be able to work together. He said he’d heard about you and the kids and he was impressed. He also said that he had two therapists that were retiring in a few months so there would be openings.”

“And?”

“And, if we can get certified in the next few months, he would have jobs at the Center for both of us.”

“Really?” Starsky said, shock and amazement tinging his voice. “When did you manage to do all this?”

“Well, I had to do something while you were in therapy.”

“But…classes, Hutch? I don’t know that I can do classes.” Starsky shook his head, the doubt returning to his voice.

“Sure you can, babe.” Putting his hand on the other man’s shoulder. “I checked on the training and certification classes. Both are held at the Community College. And they have everything necessary to accommodate blind students.   You know I’ll help with you with the classwork, if you need it, although I think you’ll do just fine. But, Starsk, this is something we can do together! I can work with the adults, you can work with the kids. And we can do it even when you get your sight back.” He paused before he asked the magic question. “So, what do you think?”

“Well…” Starsky hesitated while he thought. “We need to get certified in the next few months. At the same time we have to close up both our apartments and move into the new house. That’s an awful lot to do in a short amount of time…”

“Yeah, I know it is. But when have we ever let a little time and pressure stop us, huh? Together, we can tackle anything, remember?”

“Yeah,” Starsky smiled in agreement “I remember.”

“So, what do you think?”

Starsky was quiet for a few minutes. Then Hutch saw a smile slowly creep over his lover’s face. “I like it…I like it a lot!”

“Great. How about we stop by the College this morning, sign up for the training, see when the Certification classes start…”

Starsky stood and pulled his lover up and into his arms, kissing him soundly.

“What was that for?” Hutch asked with a smile.

“For figuring out the perfect plan...finding us the perfect jobs…that we can do together.” Starsky kissed him again. “For the first time in a long time, I’m excited.”

Hutch laughed, loving the shine on his lover’s face. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“That looks to be the last of it, Hutch,” Babcock said as he and Simmons carried the sofa off the back of the truck.

The men had started at the crack of dawn, first clearing out Hutch’s apartment then Starsky’s, loading all the furniture and boxes into the truck that Huggy had borrowed from his cousin. Now, in the early afternoon, it appeared that they were near finished.

“Great. Just put that in the living room and I’ll close this up. Then we can get something to eat.”

“Sounds great,” Simmons grunted, “I’m starved.”

The two men worked the sofa through the door and into the house. “Hey, Starsky…where do you want this sofa?”

Starsky, on the kitchen side of the counter, pointed towards the living room. “In there, in front of the fireplace, facing the window.”

The men placed the piece as instructed then walked over to the kitchen counter. Huggy came out of the hallway, joining them at the counter. Hutch entered from the porch, through the sliding glass doors.

“How’s it going, Hug?” he asked.

Huggy had left the heavy furniture lifting to the other men, concentrating on working with Starsky to get as many of the boxes unpacked and put away as possible.

“Well, my man, all the boxes for the bedrooms and linens are unpacked an put away. There are a few boxes left in the office…library…”

“Den!” Hutch and Starsky both shouted.

“Whatever,” Huggy went on, ignoring the interruption. “and the furniture is all set up on the porch.”

“Well, that’s everything.” Hutch tossed a rag into the laundry room. “I want to thank you guys. We owe you.”

“Feed us and we’ll call it even.” laughed Babcock. “Like my partner said, I’m starved.”

“Perfect timing, then, fellows.” Starsky said, as Hutch walked up behind him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“What have you got there?” Huggy asked, peering over the counter, eyeing the spread.

“Well, if I got it right, we have roast beef, ham and pastrami here” pointing to the counter in front of him “and three different kinds of cheese over there” pointing to the left. “And over here,” pointing to the right “we have your choices of bread or rolls and lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, onions, mayo, mustard and, for those of you with no good taste, ketchup.”

“And there’s beer and soft drinks in the fridge.” Hutch added. “What can I get you?”

“Soft drinks for both of us.” Simmons responded.

“Yeah,” Babcock added, checking his watch. “We’re back on duty in…two hours.”

“Then help yourselves.” Starsky instructed, stepping away from the counter. “We can sit out back.”

The four men attacked the food, constructing the sandwiches of their choice. Starsky grabbed bottles of soda for each from the fridge, while Hutch made him a pastrami with mustard then carried their sandwiches outside.

There was the normal banter as the men got each took a seat and got settled with their food and drink.

“This is a real nice place you got here, guys.” Simmons offered.

“Thanks, Pete.” Hutch saluted him with his drink. “It needs a bit of fixing up but we like it.”

“Yeah, wait until you see it when Hutch puts his garden in.” Starsky added. They all chuckled, knowing Hutch’s affinity for plants.

“And how far away is your neighbor?” Babcock asked.

“The cove end about a quarter mile that way,” Hutch pointed north “And the nearest neighbor is about a half mile that way.” He added, pointing south.

“So you’re pretty secluded here.” Simmons observed.

“Pretty much.” Hutch agreed, sipping his drink. He looked at the two partners, getting the feeling they were leading up to something.

“That’s good for you guys,” Babcock added slowly. “You’ll be able to relax, finally be able to be yourselves.”

"What are you saying, Mike?” Hutch put down his drink, straightening in his seat.

“Just that…well…it must be hell having to put up a front, ya know…to protect yourself from the idiots who think it’s their business what people do in their real lives.”

A tense silence settled over the group as Hutch and Babcock stared each other down, with Simmons watching the two anxiously. Finally, Starsky reached over and put his hand on Hutch’s arm then turned to face Babcock.

“And what do you think, Mike…about what people do in their real lives?”

Babcock put his food and drink down and leaned forward, facing both men. “Look, guys, let me say this plainly. I think you guys are lovers. Now, I could be wrong…but I don’t think I am.”

He watched Hutch’s eyes dart over to Huggy, the only person they had shared the truth about their relationship. Huggy shook his head, raising his hands in negation.

“Now, how do I feel about that?” Mike continued. “Well…you’re a good looking man, Starsky and Hutch is kinda cute but neither one of you do it for me, if you know what I mean.” He smiled then continued.

“All I care about is that you two are the best cops I’ve ever worked with. You’re both tough…and honest. I would trust either one of you to back me up, no questions asked. You work the hardest streets and get the job done better than any two men I’ve ever seen. And it’s a hard job, a job that will eventually steal your soul, unless you have someone to hold onto…to anchor you. I got that with my Sarah. Without her, I would have lost it a long time ago. If you two do that for each other, well…I got nothin’ to say against that.”

Hutch stared at Babcock, trying to read his eyes. “And what about you, Simmons?” Starsky asked. “Does Babcock speak for you?”

“When he says the right words, he does.” He met Hutch’s eyes. “And, this time, he said all the right words.”

Hutch continued to stare at the partners, reading their faces, hearing their words until, finally, he relaxed and raised his drink in a toast. “To Mike and Pete, two men I am proud to call my friends.”

“Here, here,” Starsky added.

“Here, here.” the other two men joined in.

“But just one thing,” Babcock added, interrupting the toast. “I’d rather not have to witness any lip-locks or ass grabbin', if you don’t mind.”

“Well, I try to control myself, I promise,” Starsky said, laughing. “But I can’t make any promises for him” pointing at Hutch.

They all laughed and settled in, finished their food. The discussing turned to the improvements that needed to be made on the house and, as Babcock and Simmons prepared to leave, shaking hands all around, Mike pulled Hutch aside.

“So…are we good?”

Hutch nodded. “We’re good, Mike. And thanks, it means a lot to both of us to know we have you guys behind us.”

“Never doubt it, my friend. And, if either of you ever need us, for anything, just let us know.” He turned to follow is partner out the door and paused, “ Oh, guys, when you start making those improvements, give us a call. We’d be glad to help.”

“Uh oh, Mike,” Starsky laughed. “You don’t know what you just got yourself into.”

Simmons turned back to his partner “What did you get us into?”

Mike shoved his partner towards their car, laughing and waving to the other men.

As their car drove away, Starsky wrapped his arms around Hutch’s shoulders. “They’re a coupla good guys.”

“Yes…yes they are.”

Huggy grabbed his jacket and headed down the steps. “I’m off, my brothers! I’m gonna take the truck back to my cousin, before he reports it stolen.”

“Stolen?!?” Starsky yelled. “Whaddya mean stolen?”

“Well,” Huggy chuckled, as he climbed into the truck. “I may have forgotten to tell him I was borrowing it.” With that, he waved then backed out of the driveway and turned down the street.

“Ya know, Hutch, I think Huggy may be just a little crazy.”

“You just figuring that out?” Hutch laughed.

“So, what are we gonna do now?” Starsky asked, turning in his partner’s arms.

“Well, There are still some boxes that we have to unpack right away.” Starsky groaned. “Not all of the them” Hutch continued. “Just a few. After that, I plan to have a nice hot shower…then a light dinner…and then…”

“Then we’re goin’ to celebrate.” 

“Celebrate? How?”

“By christening our new house.” Starsky flexed his eyebrows, making Hutch laugh as he pulled his partner to him.

“I love the way you think, partner.”

~*~*~*~*~

The few boxes that needed to be unpacked were and everything put away. Too tired to cook, they settled on sandwiches for dinner and, while Hutch cleaned up, Starsky showered.

Now Hutch climbed out of the shower, feeling relaxed after a long, tiring day. Drying off, he wrapped the towel around his waist then opened the bathroom door…to find Starsky waiting there, in all his naked glory.

“Awww, you unwrapped my present for me.” He reached out and ran his fingers along his partner’s hardening cock. “That is for me, isn’t it?”

Starsky stepped closer, cupping Hutch’s cheek in one hand. “All yours, babe. No one else but you.” He brushed his lips softly against Hutch’s then stepped back, a smile on his face.

“You gonna let me have that back? I’ve got plans for it, ya know.”

Hutch laughed as he let go of the column of hot flesh. “Am I gonna like these plans of yours?”

“I can guarantee it.” Kissing Hutch again, Starsky ran his fingers through the damp blond locks “You need a haircut, babe.” He smiled “Unless you’re goin’ for the ‘Shaggy-dog’ look?”

“I wouldn’t talk, Poodle-Head.”

Starsky laughed at the apt description. “OK, tomorrow it’s the barber for both of us. But, right now…”

“Now?”

“Right now,” Starsky ran his hands down Hutch’s back, squeezing the pliant globes of flesh, letting one finger slip into the crease. “There’s those plans I was talkin’ about.” Taking Hutch by the hand, he led him over to the bed. “Get in!” he ordered.

“oooh…I love it when you get forceful.” Hutch laughed. “You gonna let me in on these plans of yours?”

Starsky stood beside the bed, facing his partner, his left hand leisurely stroking his cock. “I’m going to bury this so deep inside you, your gonna think we’re Siamese twins.”

“Now there’s a visual for you.” Hutch laughed as his partner climbed into the bed and crawled up his body, nipping and kissing up the smooth stomach and chest, licking at the moisture gathered in the hollow of his throat, sucking on his Adam’s apple. Hutch could only moan.

“Like that, didn’t ya?”

“You make me crazy, you know that?” 

“Oh, yeah? Well, if you like that you’re really gonna love this.”

Starsky used his tongue to retrace his path, torturing already taut nipples, drawing a line down the middle of his chest, swirling inside the valley of his navel and down to the thatch of blond hair surrounding the rigid cock. Taking the organ in hand, Starsky ran his tongue from the base to the tip, circling the crown before sucking the organ into his hot, wet mouth.

“Oh, God,” Hutch gasped “That’s good, babe…real good.”

Starsky continued working the organ, alternately sucking and licking, until his lover began to gently thrust. Releasing the rigid cock from his lips, he took it in hand, giving it a few firm strokes, gathering the pearls of fluid collecting at the tip, spreading it over his fingers.

He lowered his hand to nudge Hutch's balls, the slick digits sliding below until it found his lover’s opening, the tip of one finger slipping inside, then slowly pushed in further, massaging the passage.

"Oh. Mmmm," Hutch moaned as the finger moved within him.

He worked the finger in and out then slid a second finger in next to its mate, pressing both in until his hand was flush with his lover’s ass. Slowly, he pulled the fingers out, rotating and scissoring, gently stretching the snug opening.

Hutch groaned again as the internal pressure continued, his head rocking back and forth on the pillow.

“Uh…yes…uh…uh…yes…” His moans escaping in time with the fingers moving inside him.

Dragging the two fingers out, Starsky now slid three fingers into the center and, once seated, began twisting and moving them in and out.

Starsky continued the motions. “I could make you come just from this, couldn’t I?” When he grazing that special button, Hutch screamed, his head arched back.

“Oh, Starsk...stop…no…please…”

Starsky pulled his hand away. “Hutch?”

“Just…just give me...a minute” he gasped. “Another second…and…and I woulda come…”

“And that would be a bad thing?” Starsky asked, laughingly.

Hutch reached out to run his fingers down the side of his lover’s face. “I want to come with you inside me. Together.”

“Ok, ok…easy” Starsky slowed slid his fingers from Hutch’s passage, rubbing his other hand up and down his lover’s thigh. “Just relax a minute. Then I’ll be back with the main event. OK?”

Starsky moved so that he was kneeling between his lover’s thighs. “Hand me the stuff. I put it under your pillow.”

Hutch reached his hand beneath the pillow, coming out with the tube. “What did you put it there for?”

“I wanted you to check to make sure I didn’t pick up the hemorrhoid cream by mistake.”

“You are such a moron.” Hutch snorted and threw the tube at his partner, hitting him in the chest.

Starsky laughed as he opened the tube and began to apply the gel to his straining length, stroking gently, wanting to give his lover the time he needed to calm down but concerned that he wasn’t going to last much longer.

He continued to run his other hand over his lover’s thigh for a few more minutes, until the sounds of Hutch’s gasping breaths had calmed. “You ok now?”

“Yeah,” Hutch whispered, catching the hand that was rubbing his leg. “I love you so much. You know that, right?”

“More than life, babe. More than life.” Starsky whispered, placing a kiss on the inside of Hutch’s thigh. Using his left hand, he positioned the head of his cock against the access to his lover’s body, pushing slowly, gaining entrance.

“Ooohhhh….so good…..” Starsky groaned long and low then pulled back a little and pushed back in until he was fully seated, his balls caressing Hutches ass.

“Oh, yeah….go for it, babe…I want to feel you forever…”

With a groan, Starsky pulled out slowly then, holding onto Hutch’s thighs, began thrusting deeply, powerfully. When his thick cock found his lover’s prostate, Hutch cried out.

"That's it, babe," Starsky whispered, “work with me.” Hutch arched his back, impaling himself more deeply onto Starsky's cock.

“Yes!” Starsky shouted, his hips moving faster. Hutch shouted as the stiff cock rammed his prostate again and again, Starsky pounding into him in pursuit of their mutual completion.

Hutch looked up at Starsky’s, savoring the pure joy and ecstasy on his face as Starsky's hips started moving faster, then Hutch was there, at the pinnacle of pleasure, and he shouted out loud.

"Ohhh…God…Yes…Starsk!!!"

At the same time Starsky’s movement stilled abruptly, and with a low, protracted moan, he collapsed on his lover’s chest.

Moments passed where the only sounds were the crash of the waves on the beach and the heavy breathing of the two men. Then Starsky stirred slightly, moving his hand lightly up Hutch’s arm.

“I think I died there.” He gasped. “What about you? You still alive?”

Hutch managed a moan in response as Starsky managed to move off his lover, snuggling against his side, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Talk to me, babe, so I know you’re conscious.”

“I think...I think I touched heaven.” He turned to meet Starsky’s lips, using the little energy he had left to savor his sweetness. “Welcome to our home, Starsk.”

”Yeah,” Starsky mumbled on the edge of sleep. “Our home!”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Their days fell into a comfortable routine, getting their certifications, going to therapy, spending quiet evenings in their new home.

They had been volunteering at the Rehab Center three days a week, while taking the certification classes at the Community College. Starsky’s worry about the classes proved groundless as, with Hutch’s sometimes assistance, he passed with flying colors. And, true to his word, as soon as both men were certified, Director Abramson offered them positions at the Center, which they both happily accepted.

There were also improvements and minor repairs on the house which, true to their word, Babcock and Simmons helped them with.

Starsky had taking to walking along the beach, an activity he felt comfortable doing by himself. He had even been the first to meet their neighbors who lived about a half mile down the beach.

After walking past their house a number of times on his return trip, he mentioning to Hutch his difficulty in determining exactly where he was. He laughed when he discovered, a few days later, that Hutch had planted a pole at the end of their property, down by the surf line, and had mounted an old mars light on the top.

There were also gatherings at their new home, barbeques on the beach, with Dobey and his wife, all the guys from Metro, the teachers and therapists from the Center, even the kids and their parents.

All in all, their life was good.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hutch walked out onto the porch to find his partner sitting on the steps, elbows on his knees, face in his hands.

“Leftovers are all put away and the dishes are soaking in the sink.” Walking over, he sat down next the quiet man. “What are you doing?”

“Just thinkin’.”

“About what?”

“Nothin’, really.”

“Starsk?”

“It’s stupid.”

Hutch nudged the other man with his shoulder. Starsky hung his head for a moment, then turned his face to the sky. “I was thinkin’ about the things that I miss seein’.”

“Ah, Gordo...”

“No, babe, it’s ok. I’m just being stupid, ya know.’ Starsky turned to smile at his lover, placing a hand on Hutch’s knee.

Hutch cover the hand on his knee with his own. “So tell me, what do you miss seeing?”

Starsky turned to face Hutch, placing his free hand on the side of Hutch’s face. “Of course, I miss seein’ your beautiful face, and those baby blue eyes. But I just have to touch you to remember what you look like. Just feeling your face when you smile brings back the memory, ya know?” Hutch nodded and Starsky turned back to face the beach.

“I miss reading.”

“I like reading to you”

“I know, and I know I said I’d give those classes in Braille a try, and I will, but….it just won’t be the same.”

“True”

“And I miss movies…and television. Listenin’ to them and watching them are two totally different things”

“You’re right.”

“Taking pictures. I really liked working with my camera. But the one thing I really miss…”

Hutch watched his partner as he sighed, then hung his head for a moment before looking up to the sky.

“I miss the stars, Hutch.”

Hutch thought the sadness in that statement would break his heart. But before he could utter a sound, Starsky continued.

“You know that painting, Hutch, that one with the dark blue sky and all the stars?”

“Starry Night by Van Gogh?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.   I was just rememberin’. A few years back, I was driving back from Vegas. I don’t know where you were or why I was alone, but I was. Anyway, I was drivin’ across the desert at night and it was beautiful. I pulled over to the side of the road and spent some time just looking at the stars. There were millions of them, Hutch, scattered across the dark sky. It was just like that painting….” Starsky let out a deep sigh. “I miss the stars.”

“Oh, Starsk…” Hutch leaned against the other man, their bodies touching from shoulder to knee. “I’d give ‘em to you, if I could, you know.”

“I know you would.” Turning, Starsky took Hutch’s face in both his hands, pulling him close, placing a soft kiss on his forehead. “And I love you for that.”

“Babe,” Hutch rested his forehead against is lover’s “I wish I could fix this for you.” He placed a soft kiss on each of Starsky’s eyelids. “Sometimes, well, sometimes I wish it had happened to me instead of you.”

Starsky sat back, holding Hutch’s face even tighter. “Don’t! Don’t you ever say that. I never, ever want anything bad to happen to you, do you hear me? Never, ever. I’m ok with this, I really am. OK, so occasionally I have a moment of wishing things were different...and I still haven’t given up hope, ya know. But I’m good with the way things are now. As long as I have you with me, I’m good.”

Hutch pulled his lover’s hands from his face, placing a kiss on each one. “I’m with you, babe. And I’ll always be with you.”

“C’mon, lets go finish the dishes then you can prove it to me.” Hutch laughed as they both stood and turned to go inside. “C’mon,” Starsky continued. “You wash and I’ll dry.”

“Oh, no.” Hutch started backing away, leading Starsky inside the house. “I’m not letting you dry and put dishes away. Every time you do that I can never find anything.”

“Oh sure, Hutch.” Starsky whined “Mock the blind man.”

“Yeah, well, it’s true. And you know it. You never put the dishes where they go. You put them where they fit. So you wash and I’ll dry.”

“Yeah, OK, Fine.” Starsky laughed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Starsky just knew that today was not going to be a good day.

He woke up this morning with a headache, a fact that he did not share with Hutch. Breakfast had been a quiet affair. After a few of his grunted responses, Hutch just stopped trying. When Hutch reminded him of the time, he’d left the table, grumbling, as he went to get dressed.

Now he moved down the hallway from the bedroom to the kitchen, where he heard his partner cleaning up after breakfast.  He entered the kitchen are just as Hutch called out “Get a move on, Starsk.  We’re going to be late.”

“For Christ sake, Hutch…give it a rest, will ya?  We’ll get there when we get there!”  He regretted the angry response as he heard the sounds of movement in the kitchen cease then slowly return.

He moved into the kitchen and rested his head on the back of his lover’s shoulder.  “I’m sorry babe. You didn’t deserve that.  It’s just a….wrong side of the bed thing.  Forgive me?”

Hutch turned and wrapped his arms around Starsky, placing a kiss on his neck.  “Forgiven.”  Stepping back, he gave his partner the once over.  “You sure that’s all it is?”

“Yeah,’ Starsky assured him, determined to not mention the headache.  “That and I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah, but you **my** idiot.” Hutch laughed “We have got to go.”

"But I haven’t had my coffee yet.” Starsky whined as Hutch turned him toward the door.

“Here” Hutch pressed a covered cup into Starsky’s hand.  “I put it in a cup you can take with us.”

“You’re a prince, ya know that?”

“Yeah, well, your prince is going to leave you behind if you don’t get your butt out to the car.”

Starsky chuckled as both men left the house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Starsky swallowed the juice, washing down two more aspirins then leaned against the counter, hanging his head.

“Headache?” Margaret asked, as she entered the small kitchen area off to the side of the children’s rec room.

“Yeah,” Starsky replied, taking a deep breath and turning towards the counselor.

“Those kids can get the best of you sometimes.” she laughed, as she opened the refrigerator

“No, no…the kids are great. They’re amazing! I just…I just woke up with a headache this morning and it just don’t want to go away.”

Margaret took a carton of juice out of the refrigerator, closing the door and leaning back against the counter. “Maybe you should go home early?”

“What time is it?”

Margaret looked at her watch. “Almost ten-thirty.”

“Not yet. Hutch has patients until just past noon.” Starsky finished his juice and put the carton on the counter.

“Maybe after that?”

“Yeah, maybe,” Starsky agreed, massaging his temples as he made his way back to the kids.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Lunchtime found Katie Grayson sitting at the desk in the corner of Treatment Room One, eating a sandwich and updating the file on her last patient. ‘ _Only two more patients left today’_ she thought as the door swung open.

“Hutch,” Starsky called out as he entered the treatment room, his head in his hand.

“He isn’t here, Dave.” Concerned by his apparent distress, Katie took him by the arm and led him to the chair next to the desk. “What’s wrong?”

“Where is he, Katie?”

“He’s with a patient in the other treatment room. Do you want me to call him?”

"Yeah, could ya, please?”

“Sure. Just sit quiet and relax. I’ll get him here.” Katie picked up the phone and dialed, while keeping a worried eye on Starsky.

*****

“Very good, Mr. Abrams. I think that’ll be all for today.”

Hutch gathered together the items they’d been working with as Mr. Abrams put on his jacket.

“Thanks, Ken. Same time, next week?”

“Yes, sir.” he said with a smile. The phone began to ring as Hutch guided his patient to the door. A quick jog back to the desk and he picked up the handset.

“Hutchinson.”

“Ken? I think you better get over here.”

“Where? What’s wrong?”

“It’s Dave. He says he has a headache…and he’s looking pale. We’re in Room One.”

“I’ll be right there.” Hutch dropped the phone back into the cradle and, in the next breath, was out the door and down the hall. Pushing into Treatment Room One a minute later, he found Peter, a therapy assistant, kneeling on the floor next to a prone Starsky, with Katie on the phone.

“What happened?” Hutch dropped to his knees next to his partner, assisting as Peter put a folded blanket under Starsky’s head.

“He came in here, looking for you.” Katie hung up the phone and began spreading another blanket over the prone man. “He said he had a headache…worse one he’s ever had. Just as I called you, he began to seize.”

“He had a seizure?” As soon as he ask, Starsky’s body went rigid then became wracked with spasms as he began to seize again. “Hold on, buddy, hold on.” Hutch tried to calm his partner.

“I called over to Memorial” Katie said, as Starsky finally stilled, “They have an ambulance on the way. They should be here any minute. Until then, we just have to keep him quiet.”

“I’ll go outside and wait for them.” Peter offered, standing and heading out of the room. “I’ll bring them here as soon as they arrive.”

“Starsk?” He ran his hand over his partners head, “ C’mon, buddy, open those baby blues for me.”

A moment later Peter came back into the room, leading two attendants pushing a gurney. The next few minutes were filled with activity, as the attendants, with Hutch’s help, loaded Starsky onto the gurney, while Hutch gave them as much of his partner’s medical history as he could. As they began to wheel the gurney out, Hutch grabbed Katie.

“Katie, go make sure none of the kids are around. With all this activity, they’re bound to be asking and, well, Starsky wouldn’t want them to know.”

“I’ll take care of it.” Katie left the room ahead of the others, making sure the hallway was clear. A quick trip through the building then outside and into the ambulance. Hutch climb into the back and they were off.

“ _You can’t keep doing this to me, babe.”_ Hutch thought as he held onto the unconscious man’s hand. The trip seemed to take forever, but, within ten minutes, the ambulance pulled into the bay, the doors flew open and the gurney was unloaded and pushed into the Emergency Room entrance.

“What have we got here?” a doctor came near. At that same moment, Starsky’s body began to spasm again.

“He’s seizing!”

“Get him into Treatment One!”

Hutch grabbed the doctor’s arm as he headed into the curtained area. “Dr. Callaghan. His neurosurgeon is Doctor Mark Callaghan.”

The doctor nodded then hollered to the nurse at the desk. “Nancy, page Dr. Callaghan, stat. Tell him we’ve got his patient down here.” With another nod to Hutch, he disappeared into the treatment room.

Hutch stood still for a moment, not knowing exactly what to do. Suddenly, he spied Dr. Callaghan, heading towards the treatment room. When the doctor saw him, he changed direction.

“Detective Hutchinson, what happened?”

“He complained of a headache, a bad headache. Then he had a seizure. He’s unconscious.”

“OK, let me get to him and see what we can do.” Dr. Callaghan turned back to the treatment room.

“He seized twice after that.” Hutch shouted at the retreating doctor. A desk nurse came over, taking Hutch by the arm.

“You can wait over here, Detective.”

“I’m not a detective anymore.”

“Well then, Sir, you can wait over here.” She led him into a small room off to the side of the larger waiting area. “I’m sure Dr. Callaghan will give you an update as soon as he can.”

“Thanks,” Hutch said, absently, looking around at the chairs in the area. ‘ _Now comes the hardest part_ ,’ he thought. ‘ _Waiting_ ’

*****

Less than thirty minutes later, but what seemed like an eternity to Hutch, he saw Dr. Callaghan come out of the treatment room and head to the small waiting area. Hutch met him in the hall.

“What’s going on, doctor. How’s Starsky?”

“Detective. Come in here.” He took Hutch by the arm, leading him back into the waiting area.

“I’m not a detective anymore”

“What?”

“I’m not a detective anymore. It’s just Ken. About Starsky?

“Right. Ken. Alright, let’s do this quickly. We are currently prepping Dave for surgery…” 

“Surgery!?!”

Callaghan nodded. “The CT scan showed that Dave has a subdural hematoma located at the site of the original fracture. We need to get in there and get the blood out, find the bleeder and stop it. If we don’t, the next seizure could kill him.”

“Kill…”

“That’s why I want to operate as soon as I can. What we’ll do is make a small incision in the scalp then remove a small portion of Dave’s skull, just large enough for us to get in there to drain the blood and, hopefully, find the source of the bleed. We repair that, replace the bone then suture the incision.

Hutch nodded. “A craniotomy?” At the doctor’s surprised look, he added “Medical school… three years.”

“It appears you’ve led a rather interesting life, Detect…Ken.” Just then, gurney carrying Starsky moved out of the treatment room, pushed by an orderly. Dr. Callaghan saw the movement and started on an intercept course towards the elevator.

“The OR is up on three.” He yelled over his shoulder, as the elevator began to close. “Wait for me up there. I’ll get back to you a.s.a.p.”

Hutch headed for a second elevator to head up to the third floor.

*****

Hutch looked up at the clock on the wall. Almost two hours. Almost two hours he’d been sitting here, unable to do anything but worry. “ _Hang in there, babe. You can get through this.”_

He stood up and stretched out his back. After the first hour, a nurse had been nice enough to get him a cup of coffee but, since then he hadn’t seen anyone. The time only increased his concern.

‘ _They’re cutting a hole in my partner’s head._ ’ Hutch began to pace. ‘ _How long did an operation like that take?   Was two hours too long? Not long enough?_ ’

As Hutch continued to pace, he heard the sound of a door. Turning towards the entrance to the operating rooms, Hutch saw Dr. Callaghan coming towards him, rubbing his head, a surgical cap in his hand.

“How did it go? How’s Starsky?”

“Dave is doing very well.” Callaghan patted Hutch on the shoulder. “He came through the surgery without any issues.” He took Hutch by the arm, leading him down the hallway.  “He’s in recovery at the moment. He’s breathing on his own and, so far, is showing no adverse signs. We were able to drain the blood, we located and repaired the bleed, replaced the bone and were able to close up the incision with just a few stitches.”

They arrived at, what was apparently the doctor’s office. “Hope you don’t mind. We can talk in here.  I really need a drink.”

A bit surprised by the doctor’s candor, Hutch nevertheless followed him into the office and watched as he pulled a small carton of orange juice out of the refrigerator hidden in the credenza.  Looking up at Hutch to be sure he had his attention, Callaghan tossed a carton of juice to the other man.

Hutch caught the container then sat in one of the chairs facing Callaghan’s desk.

“Drink.”

Hutch took a sip of the juice then, realizing how thirsty he was, drank the entire carton down.  He placed the empty carton on Dr. Callaghan’s desk, giving the man a slightly embarrassed smile.

Callaghan smiled in return as he settled himself in his chair.  “I know you have  a million questions, so...”

Hutch ran his hands through his hair, and took a second, trying to gather his thoughts.  He looked at Dr. Callaghan, searching his face for any sign of trouble.  Seeing only calm confidence, Hutch began.

“How did it go?”

“The surgery went well.  Dave came through it like the fighter he is.  As I said, we went in, found and repaired the bleeder, cleared out the hematoma. It was quick and uncomplicated.”

“Quick?    It was almost two hours!”

“Ken,” Callaghan leaned across the desk  “It was brain surgery.”

“Fair enough” Hutch agreed.  He thought for a moment, trying to figure out what question to ask next. “Dr. Callaghan...”

“Mark.  I think after all this time, you can call me Mark.”

“OK, Mark. Did the hematoma cause the blindness?  Will Starsky be able to see?”

“To be perfectly honest, I don’t know.  My thought is that the hematoma was not the cause of Dave’s blindness.  But I really don’t know.”

“Don’t know?!?  You’re a doctor, a neurosurgeon! Your field is the brain!  What do you mean you don’t know?”

Callaghan shook his head, letting some of his own frustration show.  “There is so much we don’t know about the brain, Ken.  So many things that are still out of our reach.  Maybe in  2 or 3 years we may be able to answer those questions but for now…”

“OK,” Hutch nodded his acceptance. “Sorry.  Tell me why you think this wasn’t the cause.”

“Well, Dave’s blindness was immediate. From the moment he woke up, his sight was gone.  The bleed in his brain was so small, it took all this time for the hematoma to develop and have any effect on him. I just don’t see the correlation.”

“OK.  Could he have any other negative effects from the surgery?”

“Again, I don’t know.  There is always that possibility but, until he wakes up and we can run some tests, we just won’t know.”

“Fine.  Now what happens?”

“Like I said, Dave’s in recovery.  We’ll keep an eye on him there for another hour, maybe two.  Then we’ll move him into a room up in ICU.”

Hutch nodded.  “Can I see him?”

Callaghan studied Hutch, seeing the stress and fatigue in his entire body.  “How about we go for this.  You rode in the ambulance with Dave, right?” 

Hutch nodded.

“So your car is still over at the Rehab Center.”

Hutch nodded again.

“How about you go back to the Center, pick up your car and go home.” He held up his hand to stop the protest he saw forming on Hutch’s face.  “Take a shower, change your clothes, maybe grab something to eat.  Get some things together that you may need…a change of clothes, maybe a book to read…whatever.  Then come back.  By that time, we should have David settled in his room and you can sit with him.  I’ll make a note on his chart that you are exempt from all visiting restrictions.  And I’ll alert the floor nurses that you are to be given full access to your partner, at all times, with no restrictions. Agreed?”

“But what if…” 

“Nothing is going to happen to David in Recovery.  I will be watching over him.  I promise.”  He waiting until he saw Hutch’s face relax a bit.  “So, are we agreed?”

“Agreed.”

Both men stood.  Hutch reached out and shook hands with the doctor “Thanks, Mark.”

As Hutch opened the door to leave, Callaghan called to him.  “Ken…”  Hutch turned.  “You know that I’m only hoping for the best outcome for you and Dave but, well, whatever happens, I have every confidence that the two of you will handle it.  I can honestly say that I’ve never witnessed two people with a stronger commitment. So, have faith.”

Hutch smiled and nodded his thanks as he left.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was a week later when Starsky walked into the house, followed by Hutch carrying his bag. Awakening from the surgery with Hutch at his side, he took the news that they had drilled a hole in his skull with calm acceptance. He also slowly came to accept that the surgery was not going to return his sight.

Now, as Hutch dropped the bag in the laundry room, Starsky quietly walked around their living room, running his fingers of the backs of the chairs, the sofa, along the mantle on the fireplace.

Coming back into the living room, Hutch caught the solemn expression on his partner’s face. He walked up behind Starsky, wrapping his arms around the other man, placing a kiss on his neck.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothin’, really”

“C’mon…tell me…what’s going on in that curly head of yours?”

Starsky turned in his arms, kissed him gently then moved them both towards the sofa. They sat, Hutch in the corner, with Starsky snuggled in his arms.

“I’m just…just feelin’…disappointed, I guess.”

“Ah, babe…”

“No, I’m ok, it’s just….when I woke up and you told me what went down, I guess I started to hope, ya know? And even with Doc Callaghan laying it on the line, I still...” Starsky sighed.

“I know, babe. I did, too. I hoped maybe he was wrong. But, you never know. It just may take a little more time. We can’t give up hope.”

“I ain’t givin’ up hope, but, maybe I just better concentrate on movin’ on. Then, well, if it happens, it happens.”

“Sounds like good idea.”

They sat quietly for some time, snuggled together, until Starsky gently stirred.

“I’m hungry and somethin’ sure smells good.”

“That something is your favorite…pot roast, with carrots and potatoes.”

“You made my favorite?”

“Yeah. I figured a ‘welcome home’ dinner was in order. I put it in the oven before I came to pick you up, on low temperature, cooking it nice and slow, just like you like it.”

Starsky stood up, pulling Hutch up with him. “Well, what are we waitin’ for?”

“Ok, ok” Hutch laughed as his partner pulled him into the kitchen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hutch slowly drifted up to consciousness, the sounds of the ocean floating through the patio doors. Eyes still closed, he reached over for his lover, finding only cold, empty sheets. Surprised, he opened his eyes to the darkness and looked over at the clock.  

‘ _5:30 Where is Starsky at 5:30 in the morning?’_

In the two weeks since returning from the hospital, Starsky had been sleeping fitfully but, Hutch thought “ _he still never got up this early in the morning.”_

He got out of bed, adjusted his pajama bottoms up onto his hips then quietly went over to the patio door.

Leaning against the doorway to the outside, Hutch saw Starsky sitting quietly on the porch steps that led to the beach, the beginning of the morning’s sunrise a backdrop of color.

“Hey” he said, quietly, not wanting to startle his lover.

“Hey” Starsky replied, just as quietly, turning his head slightly toward Hutch.

“You’re up awful early. It’s not even light out yet. What’s wrong? ”

“Nothin’ wrong. Just couldn’t sleep.”

“You sure?”   Starsky’s responded was a soft chuckle and a shake of his head. “OK, ok…no mother-henning. You want to be alone or can I sit with you?”

“I always want you with me, babe.” Starsky patted the step next to him.

Hutch walked over and sat down sideways on the step, wrapping his arms around Starsky’s shoulders, as his lover continued to face the ocean.

“I’m really glad we bought this house, Starsk. It’s just so peaceful here…the sound of the waves, the gentle breeze...”

“And the beautiful sunrise...’

“Yeah, it is beautiful’

“The way colors kiss the waves as they brighten against the sky…”

Hutch stared at his lover, shock and surprise coloring his voice “Starsk…?”

Starsky turn to face Hutch, staring at him. “And the way they reflect in your beautiful eyes…”

Stunned, Hutch studied his lover’s eye, seeing the sparkle, the excitement that he never thought to see again. “You…you can see?” Hutch stuttered in shock.

“Yeah,” Starsky smiled, his eyes filling with tears. “I can see.”

“But…but how?” His shock continued to cause a stutter. “When? Wha…what happened?”

“I don’t know.” He gently shook his head. “I woke up and…I had a sorta headache…but not really. I don’t know…there wasn’t really anything wrong but it was like somethin’ was just…off.” He ran his hands through Hutch’s hair. “I knew I wasn’t goin’ back to sleep and I didn’t want to disturb you so I came out here. And slowly everything just started gettin’ lighter and lighter.” Starsky cupped Hutch’s face in his hands. “Oh, babe….don’t cry”

Tears streamed, uncontrolled, down Hutch’s face. “You can see, Starsk! You can see!”

Starsky pulled Hutch into his arms as his lover collapsed in tears, offering all the strength and comfort that he could.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Slowly pushing open the door, Dr. Callaghan was greeted by the sound of laughter. A quick peek into the room showed him David Starsky, his patient, sitting on the edge of bed, dressed in a hospital gown over his jeans, a big smile on his face and holding the hand of his partner, Ken Hutchinson, who sat in the chair that was pulled close to the bed, his face red with laughter.

They had come to his office about three hours ago with the revelation that David could see. A number of tests were run and he now held the results in his hands.

He watched them unobserved for a moment, his patient and his partner. Both of these men amazed him. Both individually strong, together they shared a connection with each other in a way that Callaghan was sure he had never seen before. Pushing the door open further caught the attention of both men.

“So, what’s the verdict, Doc?” Starsky asked as soon as he saw Callaghan

“Well,” Callaghan looked down at the chart. “All your numbers are within normal ranges. The CT didn’t show any signs of additional bleeding.” He closed the chart and looked up at both men. “All in all, I’d say you were one healthy man.”

“Alright!” Starsky shouted in triumph, smiling at Hutch. “See, I told ya!”

“Yeah, yeah, you told me.” Hutch laughed with his partner then turned to face Dr. Callaghan. “So, did the hematoma caused the blindness? Or was it something else? And, if it was the hematoma, why didn’t his sight return once you cleared that up?”

“You have to forgive him, doc” Starsky explained tolerantly “Once a detective, always a detective. He has this insatiable need to have all the answers.”

Callaghan laughed. “And I’d like to be able to give them to him. But…”

“But?” Hutch questioned

Callaghan looked at both men then shook his head. “Like I told both of you before, there is still so much about the brain that we just don’t know. Did the hematoma cause the blindness? Possibly. But the bleed was so small, it took months for us to see it so that seems unlikely. Was it cause by something else? Probably, but what, I couldn’t begin to guess. All I can tell you is, right now, Dave, you can see and you seem to be in perfect health.”

“Alright, then” Starsky hopped off the bed and began pulling off the hospital own. “Let’s blow this popsicle stand.” Hutch stood and handed his partner his shirt, taking the gown from his hands.

“Wait!” The one word from Dr. Callaghan froze both men in their tracks. “That isn’t the end of this.”

Both men turned in unison, facing the doctor.

“Why not, doc?” Starsky asked “You just said I was a perfectly healthy man.”

“Yes, I did. But, as Ken so succinctly pointed out, we really don’t know what caused your blindness. We aren’t positive that the brain bleed is fixed. We just don’t know.”

“So what do we do now?” Hutch asked.

“You pay attention, both of you.” He looked at Hutch “If anything changes…if he starts acting or sounding differently…” Callaghan turned to look directly at Starsky “if you get a headache that doesn’t feel right, if your vision starts to blur again, or get spotty…even if you just feel ‘off’….I want you in here immediately.”

“But, doc…”

“No buts, Dave. Look…I told you both from the beginning, the longer your blindness lasted, the less likely it was to return. For your sight to be completely restored, after eleven months is…unprecedented. If anything is going to happen, I want to catch it right up front. Truth be told, David, another bleed could kill you…” Callaghan put his hand on Hutch’s shoulder “and I think this guy wants you’re around for a long time.”

“He’s right, babe” Hutch put his hands on Starsky’s shoulders, forcing the other man to look him in the eyes. After a moment, Starsky nodded, giving in. Hutch looked over at Callaghan again.

“How long?” he asked. “How long do we have to be this vigilant?”

“Well, even if you feel 100%, Dave, I want to see you once a month for a scan and blood work. If that bleed does start again, I want to catch it as soon as we can.” Callaghan held up his hand to stop the protest that he knew was coming. “If, after one year, the tests don’t show any abnormalities, I’ll sign off on you.”

Hutch watched as Starsky stared at Callaghan and the doctor not backing down, waiting for the outcome of this battle of wills.

“Once a month” Starsky stated.

Callaghan nodded.

“For one year?” he verified.

Callaghan nodded again.

“Done.” Starsky sighed “I’ll set up the first appointment for next month on my way out.”

“Agreed.”

“Now can we go home?” Starsky whined to his partner.

“Get out of here, both of you.” Callaghan turned to leave the room “I’ve got sick people to see.”

“C’mon, blondie, let’s go home.” Starsky pulled his shirt on over his head. “I’ve got plans for you and me…and sex on the beach.”

“I am not have sex on the beach! With you or anyone else! There are places I do NOT want to have to pull sand out of!”

“How about in the bedroom with the slider all the way open?”

“Deal” Hutch grabbed his lover’s hand, pulling him out of the room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hutch pulled into the driveway, shut off the engine and got out of the car.  Out of habit, he went around to the passenger side to help his partner, only to find Starsky waiting at the end of the driveway. 

“C’mon,” he said, taking Hutch’s hand. “I wanna see somethin’.”  He walked them into the street then turn them to face the front of the house.  “It’s beautiful!” he said in wonderment. He looked at Hutch then back at the house.  “I…I’ve never seen it before.  You told me about it but…it...it’s beautiful.”

“And it’s ours.” Hutch reminded him.

“Yeah…”  Starsky took it all in for another moment then, with a “Let’s go!” moved to go inside.

Both men entered the house, hand in hand, until stopping abruptly, Starsky pulling towards the bedroom, Hutch pulling towards the kitchen. Coming back together, face to face, Starsky was a bit bewildered.

“I thought we were gonna…” he pointed back over his shoulder “…ya know.”

Wrapping his arms around his partner, Hutch kissed him then smiled.  “I want to, and we will, I promise. But…but there’s something else I want to do first.  A surprise, ok?”

Starsky studied his lover’s face, seeing a mixture of joy and excitement and nervousness, things he had begun to think he’d never see again.  Whatever this surprise was, he could tell it was important to Hutch. And who was he to refuse. 

“OK,” he replied, with a smile. “but it better not involve wheat germ or…or butterfly wings…or any of that other healthy stuff…”

Hutch smiled.  “It doesn’t. I promise.”  Releasing his lover, he continued into the kitchen.  “Can you grab three or four of the spare blankets out of the linen closet?”

“Sure”  Starsky had no idea why but he decided to play along.  He came back into the kitchen, arms loaded with the blankets.  “Now what?”

“Just put them in the trunk of the car.  I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Where we goin?”

Hutch turned a smiling face to him.  “You’ll see.   It’s a surprise.”

“OK,” Shrugging his shoulders, he went back outside, put the blankets in the trunk then got into the car.  About a minute later Hutch came out of the house carrying their large picnic basket, which he also placed in the trunk.  Starsky could hear other sounds, as if Hutch was looking around for something but, just as he was about to ask, Hutch closed the trunk and climbed into the car.  He looked over at Starsky, then grabbed his hand and brought it to his lips.

“I love you.” He said, placing a kiss on the hand he held.  “And I think you’ll like this.”

“Well, then, let’s go.”

They drove up the coast for about an hour then headed up into the mountains.  Starsky continued to pepper Hutch with questions, only receiving smiles, “You’ll see…” and “I love you…” in reply.  He really didn’t mind the evasion.  Hutch was happy…happy in a way Starsky hadn’t seen in so long...before the blindness, even before the shooting.  His normal inclination would be to poke at his partner, griping and whining until Hutch finally gave in.  But this time, well, if whatever it was made Hutch this happy, he wasn’t going to ruin the mood.  So he spent the drive taking in all of the sites…a panorama that had been denied him these many months.

After about thirty minutes, with the sun beginning to set, Hutch pulled the car onto the shoulder of the road and got out.  Starsky climbed out too, and walked back to find Hutch pulling the items out of the trunk.

“Here, take these.” He said, handing Starsky the blankets.

“Hutch, where are we going?”

Hutch grabbed the picnic basket and closed the trunk.  “You’ll see.” he responded, taking his partner’s free hand.  “Just follow me.”   He began walking through the trees off the side of the road, following a path that, Starsky was sure, only he could see. His resolve to not whine failed him.  “Huuttchhh…not the woods! You know I hate the woods…and the bugs….and the…”

“It’s only a little further, I promise.  Trust me, babe.”

A few steps later and Hutch led him out of the trees into a clearing and…the view was breathtaking!  Looking out, they had an unobstructed view of the nearby mountains, separated by the meadowed valley below.  No visible houses or buildings or even roads marred the scene.

“Wow” was all Starsky could say.

“Here, bring the blankets over here.”  Hutch moved to a specific area in the clearing and set down the picnic basket.  “Spread those out and I’ll roll these up…” he instructed.  Starsky did as he was told, not knowing exactly why. 

”It’s almost dark, Hutch...”

“That’s why I brought this” he replied, pulling a lantern, reminiscent of the one Huggy had hung from the sprinkler in his hospital room, out from behind the basket.  Lighting it, Hutch placed the lantern on the ground behind them then stretched out on the blanket, pulling one of the rolled up ones behind his head as a pillow.  “Come here.” he said, holding his arms open for his partner.

Still not fully understanding, Starsky moved to lay on his side in his lover’s arms, facing Hutch.  “Babe, I like a picnic as much as the next guy but…why did we have to come all the way out here?  I mean, the scenery is beautiful and it is peaceful and quiet but….well…it’s dark now and we’re in the middle of nowhere and…” 

“Look.”

“What?”

“Look.” Hutch said, pointing upwards.

Starsky turned his head to follow the pointing finger and gasped.

The blue-black sky that filled his field of vision was lavishly sprinkled with millions of the brightest stars he had ever seen.

“I know it’s not the desert but…” Hutch said softly  “well, I promised I’d give them to you if I could.”

“Wow…it…its…wow." Starsky’s voice, sounding a bit choked, was full of awe. He finally looked back at his lover, tears filling his eyes.  “You give me everything.”

Hutch gently wiped away the escaping tear then pulled his partner to him.  They snuggled together, wrapped in each other’s arms, watching the spectacular sky.  As the night wore on, they made love under those stars and they slept. Sometime later that night they ate and made love again until the sky began to brighten with the new day.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_One year later…_

Hutch was in the kitchen, fixing lunch, when he heard the Torino pull into the driveway. Luckily, he turned as he heard his partner burst into the house because he suddenly had his arms full of Starsky, waving a piece of paper, shouting “I’m free! I’m free!”

Laughing around the kisses being showered over his face, Hutch managed to ask “What did he say?”

“Here” Starsky shoved the paper at him as he stepped back. “Read for yourself.” 

Bouncing on the balls of his feet, he continued as Hutch read. “He said all tests are normal…that I past everything! Twelve months of perfect results! He gave me that paper then said ‘Get out of here. I never want to see you again.’ Of course, I reminded him ‘bout the cook-out tomorrow so he added ‘as a patient.’ Oh, he asked if you were makin’ those little crab balls…he loves those crab balls. You are makin’ them, aren’t you…I told him you were.”

“Yes, I’m making them.”

“Good. Oh, and little Allison...her and her parents are coming, right? Mark said he wanted to talk to them about some new procedure…”

“Yes, Starsk, they’re coming.” Hutch watched as his lover bounced around the kitchen, patiently waiting for his own personal wind-up toy to run down.

“”I’m…I’m so full of energy…I don’t know what to do with it all” He stopped next to Hutch. “Whatcha doin’?”

“I was just fixing us some lunch. Chicken salad. I wasn’t sure when you’d get back.”

“Ohhh, I love your chicken salad…”

“I know, but…” Hutch put a cover on the bowl of chicken and, placed it in the refrigerator, then grabbed both of his lover’s hands. “We can eat later. Right now…” he continued, backing out of the kitchen “I’ve got a better idea.”

“What?”

“A perfect outlet for all that energy.” Hutch waggled his eyebrows as he back up towards the hallway.

Suddenly the house was full of laughter as the two men raced to see who could get to the bedroom first.

 

 

And life goes on…


End file.
